We Filled Out The Paperwork
I came in, sat down and smiled. She saw my bag with my extra clothes in it and asked if that's for her to put away. Yes, I gave it to her and she put it in her drawer. I asked her how she was. Good. Me? Good. She asked what’s going on and did I bring the paper work. I did but she knew I didn’t want to talk about it. I took it out of my purse but start talking about other things first. I told her how I did 3 things out of my comfort zone. She was thrilled and started writing things down. I told her no big deal.
First I signed up for the computer classes at the library. But I do have a conflict with one and that day in here, too. She said we could work that out. I told her my son got an extra set of opening day tickets. But it’s the day of my ultrasound and here and the class that night. Because of the ultrasound and drinking a lot, I have to go a lot for a while and with having to get down there and such I don’t know. She said that is a lot to have to consider.
I told her I went to a “How To Publish Your Book” workshop at the book store. She asked me how that went. My husband was on call and didn’t sit with me the whole time. He’s only had a couple hours sleep the last 48 hours and we’re having everyone over tonight. She said she wanted to ask me about that and asked me if we are having a lot of people. No, not a lot. She asked me if there’s much preparation. I shrugged and added that he cooks.
I also told her that I wanted my husband to try to sleep yesterday and asked my kids if I could go with them to the Mall – in their car – and I did. I had to sit between the 2 kids and their car seats in the back with hardly any room. She said, “I bet.” I went on to tell her I couldn’t even buckle. But we had a blast talking and laughing. I showed her the Easter Bunny picture of the kids that I didn’t do with mine. She commented what a nice kind of grandma I am with that! We laughed. She said it was a very nice picture and what a big Easter Bunny.
I also told them about the Zuzu pets they got and making the hotel about of 2 of my shipping boxes and the stickers and the markers. They decided they were going to have a sleepover at Nanas and wanted to make sure they were well taken care of with sleeping and eating. They are very good about taking care of things. My daughters boyfriend had the idea of getting little babies that appeared overnight. I couldn’t find them but I got a little puppy and kitten and we’ll film their reactions tonight. I told her that’s what the text was about while I was there. She thought it was cute!
She told me, even though I don’t think it’s a big deal these things, but they are. No I haven’t published my book yet, no I haven’t taken the computer classes yet but it’s a step. And I was able to go out and have fun with the kids. I told her yes but I was scared with the things. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I told her about them and then she said that’s why I’m going to the doctor and said that it leads right into the paper work.
First, here’s what I told her about what happened. With the workshop my husband couldn’t come back to that area with me for a while. It was crowded and I found a place in the back, on the side easy to get out. I had told my husband before that he might need to wait during when I’ll need to go to the bathroom. Well, I went when I needed to but I was still scared. And … there’s a lot in publishing a book. She nodded like yes there would be.
My daughter called me before they came to get me and I was talking to my son at the time. I went to the bathroom just before they came and we got there and walked around. When I felt like I better go I did and then later when the kids were playing at the playground before we left. I just got back and my granddaughter needed to go so I took her because only Nana can.
OK … so now into the paper work. First I told her I did do the 24 hour diary. She was thrilled and asked me if she can copy it. I told her I was embarrassed and didn’t even want to share it with her. I said that I did it twice because sometimes I feel like my body is more dehydrated and I don’t go as much. Like Friday I drank more but didn’t go as much and Saturday I drank less but went more. She said maybe it has to do with how much salt I had that day. Maybe. I also told her how hard it was to do having to stay home a lot or just going out for a little bit at a time. She nodded.
So she just wanted to see it and said she wouldn’t copy it. She came closer reaching out to get the sheets already! I hesitated but showed them to her. I told her I did it in pencil in case I wanted to change it. “In case you wanted to cheat?” she asked me. “No, change it.” She then told me how there is no shame, they are used to this and I really need to tell them how it really is. Like going to an OB and being afraid and embarrassed of the exam. They do that every day – for maybe 30 years! No big deal!
She took them and studied them. She commented I don’t drink very much. I told her the first day I pushed it. The second I just couldn’t anymore. Sometimes I drink less and when I’m really into trying I drink a lot more. The first day was 6.25 cups and the second day 5.25 cups. She said it looks like I was going about every 2 hours which is do able when going out and doing things. I told her yes, sometimes less though and she saw when I pointed it out. I asked her how often most people go. She thought every 2 hours. I went 10 times each day and said that I think most people go 4-6 times a day and that would be more than every 2 hours. She said then maybe every 3-4 hours but she didn’t know.
I also said that my amounts are lower – usually 2-4 ounces, maybe up to 6. I was trying to think back what I once brought in. I think it said women go 14-16 oz and men 16-18. She didn’t say anything on that. She did comment about the leaking that it’s not much. I said no – only one time just a little bit. That’s because I was at home and when I felt it I went. I was always near a bathroom. She said when the doctor looks at this it’s not reflective of the urgency I do have. The times that I go and it’s all over and not just a tiny bit. No. She also said that it would be nice to be able to do things and go longer (that I know I’d be able to) and not have to think about the urgency. Yes.
OK … now for the filling out paperwork. She said the hard part is over – I did it – meaning the 24 hour diary – and twice. First I asked her about the bruise on her cheek. I said because this is the third week and it’s still there. She said she had some dental work done – some fillings – and it just never went away. I told her I had a root canal they had to fix and actually cut and he said I may bruise but I didn’t. So it may be. She listened and looked like she thought maybe that is it.
So … I just didn’t know what to say. I told her how long it took me to tell her and then I couldn’t even say the words. She nodded. I said we’ll do the second sheet first – the easy one. It was more about family history. She gave me a pen (Amnesty International) and a clipboard to write and said to do it now so I get it over with and don’t have to do it later. I can’t remember exactly when it was but I said something to the fact of not having the problem. She said she was going to start writing on the paper about “OK … I have a problem.” Something like that. Like really going into it quickly and admitting to it which she saw at that point I didn’t want to do.
The first sheet was about appendix out but with my gall bladder, 3 cesareans, 1 D & C (a miscarriage), didn’t have LEEP but had a cervical freezing, hysteroscopy maybe. Later she realized encephalitis wasn’t on there and I wrote it in. She said that’s important. Diabetes – mother older. Breast cancer – paternal grandmother & paternal aunt, cancer of the lining of the uterus – maternal cousin, cancer of the cecum – maternal uncle, heart disease – father. When I read depression I shook my head no and looked at her and she shook it no, too. No endometriosis (she said painful heavy bleeding) but I have fibroids in my uterus. When I said interstitial cystitis I thought no and she reminded me of the intestinal thing. Yes – diverticulitis and I wrote that in.
Smoke no. Exposed to passive smoke? A long time ago with my Mom and I hated it. Alcohol – no. Street drug use? We laughed. No I told her, but I have access to a provider she said and I said I could if I want. Not on birth control now but was for many, many years. 4 pregnancies, 3 deliveries, 3 living children, weight of largest baby is 9 pounds (my daughter). Ok – that was it.
I didn’t know what to say. I thought a moment and told her instead of writing it down on here maybe we can write it down on a separate sheet of paper and then I can re-word it. She nodded and got her pad of paper out. She started to hand it to me and I told her I wanted her to do it – I didn’t want to. She did. I had also told her I’d like her to call me and leave me a message I can listen to before Thursday so I’m not wanting to call her every 5 minutes. She nodded she would. Because we were still having trouble getting started we decided to answer the questions below first. Then get ideas of what to write. She wanted me to write in now but I didn’t want to. So I read the questions.
Leaking urine with coughing, sneezing, laughing, etc? I said no, not really. She reminded me about what happened at laughter yoga that I found out that I do. I said I don’t do that all the time. So she said to put sometimes in. Leak urine trying to get to the bathroom in time? We both nodded that yes I do. Urinate too frequently? Again, we both nodded yes. Wake up at night to urinate? I nodded I do. She said she remembered a 1:30 AM just on one. She asked me how many times I do. One, more than one? I didn’t really answer. I did look and it was on both nights : 1:20 AM and 1:45 AM. But we didn’t go into more.
Hard to empty my bladder? No. Lose bowel movements or gas by accident? No. Pressure in your bottom or bulge in female organs? No. A lot of bladder infections? No. I did come across a letter my Mom wrote my Aunt a long time ago. I was going to bring it but didn’t. She said she took me to the doctor and because I had bladder infections they had to watch me more carefully. But I don’t remember. She said I could say I did when I was younger. OK … done. She did comment that it could be worse – if I had the bowel thing, too. She said to imagine having to tell her that how embarrassing that would be! She’s right!
Now … to put something on paper. I just didn’t know. She started it “Why I Came:” I didn’t know what to say. I told her the first thing I would say is it’s complicated. It is. So she started out by saying how it affects every aspect of my life due to the frequency and urgency. And about being in a perpetual state of anxiety. She said she may be wording it funny and that I may need to re word it. I will write later in this journal the whole thing she wrote out but now just the gist of it.
We talked about the encephalitis and me wondering if it had a neurological effect on it and if there’s a treatment. How I tried 4 medicines and they didn’t work. She asked if I’ll have that list. I told her then. How I go frequently in small amounts but when I’m drinking more I have more output. And how she said the worst part is my inability to wait long enough to reach the bathroom.
Sometime during this, towards the end, I needed to go to the bathroom. She was just writing away. I told her and she said OK. I waited for a while. At about the point that it was getting harder and I just wanted to know, I asked her how long it’s been. She said 5 minutes. I tried to wait longer and did a little but then I got to the point I couldn’t. “I can’t wait any longer,” I told her and got up and went. She said that that was perfectly fine.
I got back and I told her there was something I wanted to add that I thought about before I went to the bathroom but I lost it now. I asked her to read what she had to try to jog my memory. All of it she wanted to know. Yes. She did. I told her about the spasms. Yes – she remembered. She wondered if they were spasms having to do in my brain with the encephalitis or inside my body. Inside my body. I tried to describe them to her. I said how I’m holding tight and they come and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
She wanted me to explain more. I told her I wished she knew what I was talking about. I asked her if she ever has these spasms. No – she can’t say she has. I told her more, saying I was trying not to be too descriptive. About how they come. She asked if they hurt. No, not really. But sometimes when I’m trying real hard not to go it does burn a little. Another time that I can’t remember when I said that maybe I’m like everyone else about how often they go – that I’m no different. She shook her head no that I’m not and I think even said it. She didn’t want me to get out of this no matter how hard I was trying.
Then we talked about night time when I started talking about it. She asked what about it and started writing. She only wrote, “At night I have” and that’s all. She wasn’t understanding what I was wanting to tell her. She talked about getting up at night. I tried but couldn’t tell her. She said she really doesn’t know what I’m trying to say. Guess she doesn’t remember. Finally I think I said or not getting up. Still she didn’t get it. I had to say bedwetting. I think she said that’s a given with this. Or maybe the given was getting up at night – I can’t remember. She asked how often, every night? No – not at all. She was confused. I was confused. She said I may need to write that one out. I told her about not being truthful on some of these sheets. She nodded but we didn’t get into any specifics. That was good.
Nothing was really said or blamed but it was weird. She said she’ll call me between 4:00 and 4:30. She wanted to know if I wanted just encouragement that I can do it. Yes and maybe some of what we just talked about. I told her that I know I have to be truthful. She said yes, that’s very important so she can help me. And maybe there is some help for me! I smiled – yes, maybe. She commented that I am very good at expressing myself and I’ll do fine. She wished me good luck and I left.
Here’s what she wrote: Why I Came:
The urinary issues I experience affect every aspect of my life. It keeps me from working, traveling, engaging in enjoyable activities with others due to the frequency and urgency of urinary demands. It keeps me in a perpetual state of anxiety.
This (word scratched out) I was toilet (‘potty’ word scratched out) trained at 2 years old but lost this after encephalitis at age 2 ½ yrs. This has been an issue since then.
I am wondering if the encephalitis had a neurological effect and is there a treatment. I tried 4 different medications with no help. Ditropan, Detral LA, study med, Vesacare.
I go more frequently and small amounts but when drinking more I have more output.
The worst part is my inability to wait long enough to reach the bathroom and incontinence may result.
I feel spasms when I have a full bladder and I am holding tight to wait to get to the bathroom.
At night I have
That was it when we ended. I think she was going to say that I have to get up however many times to go to the bathroom but that’s when I did and didn’t allude to the bedwetting. She wasn’t getting what I was getting at, it was hard for me to say it and I wanted to just deny it all. Plus we were running out of time. OK … now her phone message to me at 3:58 PM:
Hi (My Name) it’s (Her Name – first name only). Hope you’re doing well and I um, I hope you’re feeling calmer about the upcoming meeting on Thursday. Just remember that this is just a consultation nothing more. You don’t know these people and you won’t have to know them in the future but they’re there to help you just find out about what’s available and what’s possible and maybe help you help the situation get a little bit better. So, the main thing is that you’re honest and that you stay calm and that you stay sort of matter-of-fact about all this. Don’t make it worse than it is but really be honest because if you’re not you’re in a sense cheating yourself of what might be possible. So, I wish you the best on Thursday and I’ll be looking forward to hearing about how the appointment goes when I see you Thursday afternoon. But just take it one step at a time and, you know, look, maybe even look forward to getting some answers. So good luck and I’ll see you Thursday.
Tonight I had to call and leave a message in which I apologized for but I really needed to talk about something that happened. I made everything fun tonight but a few times my grandson really acted out. I was able to talk to him a couple times. But one time he went to the bathroom and peed in his pants. They said he does that some times. My granddaughter said her Mom gets mad at her if she does that (even on accident). That even made it worse. The whole thing upset me. I went in there and he was sitting on the toilet his pants all wet, the floor all wet. I calmly told him it’s not OK to act out but it’s OK to be mad at things and talk about it What do we say? Oh, banana peels and that got him smiling. But he did it again before they left and I couldn’t stand it. I left. He said he wanted to die, my daughters boyfriend was yelling – it was horrible. And my granddaughter follows me around everywhere, I love you and talking & talking. What my grandson did was very disturbing to me.
Then I talked about her message that she said to make it matter-of-factly. I told her I have to be honest with her because I’m feeling really guilty. I told her I wasn’t honest on the 24 hour things. I did do them in pencil and maybe I should do it again. I told her I’m sorry I wasn’t being honest and she’s right – I have to be honest. I told her I’m sorry I called and I’ll try to use her message but what happened was over the top. I’ll see her on Thursday.
First I signed up for the computer classes at the library. But I do have a conflict with one and that day in here, too. She said we could work that out. I told her my son got an extra set of opening day tickets. But it’s the day of my ultrasound and here and the class that night. Because of the ultrasound and drinking a lot, I have to go a lot for a while and with having to get down there and such I don’t know. She said that is a lot to have to consider.
I told her I went to a “How To Publish Your Book” workshop at the book store. She asked me how that went. My husband was on call and didn’t sit with me the whole time. He’s only had a couple hours sleep the last 48 hours and we’re having everyone over tonight. She said she wanted to ask me about that and asked me if we are having a lot of people. No, not a lot. She asked me if there’s much preparation. I shrugged and added that he cooks.
I also told her that I wanted my husband to try to sleep yesterday and asked my kids if I could go with them to the Mall – in their car – and I did. I had to sit between the 2 kids and their car seats in the back with hardly any room. She said, “I bet.” I went on to tell her I couldn’t even buckle. But we had a blast talking and laughing. I showed her the Easter Bunny picture of the kids that I didn’t do with mine. She commented what a nice kind of grandma I am with that! We laughed. She said it was a very nice picture and what a big Easter Bunny.
I also told them about the Zuzu pets they got and making the hotel about of 2 of my shipping boxes and the stickers and the markers. They decided they were going to have a sleepover at Nanas and wanted to make sure they were well taken care of with sleeping and eating. They are very good about taking care of things. My daughters boyfriend had the idea of getting little babies that appeared overnight. I couldn’t find them but I got a little puppy and kitten and we’ll film their reactions tonight. I told her that’s what the text was about while I was there. She thought it was cute!
She told me, even though I don’t think it’s a big deal these things, but they are. No I haven’t published my book yet, no I haven’t taken the computer classes yet but it’s a step. And I was able to go out and have fun with the kids. I told her yes but I was scared with the things. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I told her about them and then she said that’s why I’m going to the doctor and said that it leads right into the paper work.
First, here’s what I told her about what happened. With the workshop my husband couldn’t come back to that area with me for a while. It was crowded and I found a place in the back, on the side easy to get out. I had told my husband before that he might need to wait during when I’ll need to go to the bathroom. Well, I went when I needed to but I was still scared. And … there’s a lot in publishing a book. She nodded like yes there would be.
My daughter called me before they came to get me and I was talking to my son at the time. I went to the bathroom just before they came and we got there and walked around. When I felt like I better go I did and then later when the kids were playing at the playground before we left. I just got back and my granddaughter needed to go so I took her because only Nana can.
OK … so now into the paper work. First I told her I did do the 24 hour diary. She was thrilled and asked me if she can copy it. I told her I was embarrassed and didn’t even want to share it with her. I said that I did it twice because sometimes I feel like my body is more dehydrated and I don’t go as much. Like Friday I drank more but didn’t go as much and Saturday I drank less but went more. She said maybe it has to do with how much salt I had that day. Maybe. I also told her how hard it was to do having to stay home a lot or just going out for a little bit at a time. She nodded.
So she just wanted to see it and said she wouldn’t copy it. She came closer reaching out to get the sheets already! I hesitated but showed them to her. I told her I did it in pencil in case I wanted to change it. “In case you wanted to cheat?” she asked me. “No, change it.” She then told me how there is no shame, they are used to this and I really need to tell them how it really is. Like going to an OB and being afraid and embarrassed of the exam. They do that every day – for maybe 30 years! No big deal!
She took them and studied them. She commented I don’t drink very much. I told her the first day I pushed it. The second I just couldn’t anymore. Sometimes I drink less and when I’m really into trying I drink a lot more. The first day was 6.25 cups and the second day 5.25 cups. She said it looks like I was going about every 2 hours which is do able when going out and doing things. I told her yes, sometimes less though and she saw when I pointed it out. I asked her how often most people go. She thought every 2 hours. I went 10 times each day and said that I think most people go 4-6 times a day and that would be more than every 2 hours. She said then maybe every 3-4 hours but she didn’t know.
I also said that my amounts are lower – usually 2-4 ounces, maybe up to 6. I was trying to think back what I once brought in. I think it said women go 14-16 oz and men 16-18. She didn’t say anything on that. She did comment about the leaking that it’s not much. I said no – only one time just a little bit. That’s because I was at home and when I felt it I went. I was always near a bathroom. She said when the doctor looks at this it’s not reflective of the urgency I do have. The times that I go and it’s all over and not just a tiny bit. No. She also said that it would be nice to be able to do things and go longer (that I know I’d be able to) and not have to think about the urgency. Yes.
OK … now for the filling out paperwork. She said the hard part is over – I did it – meaning the 24 hour diary – and twice. First I asked her about the bruise on her cheek. I said because this is the third week and it’s still there. She said she had some dental work done – some fillings – and it just never went away. I told her I had a root canal they had to fix and actually cut and he said I may bruise but I didn’t. So it may be. She listened and looked like she thought maybe that is it.
So … I just didn’t know what to say. I told her how long it took me to tell her and then I couldn’t even say the words. She nodded. I said we’ll do the second sheet first – the easy one. It was more about family history. She gave me a pen (Amnesty International) and a clipboard to write and said to do it now so I get it over with and don’t have to do it later. I can’t remember exactly when it was but I said something to the fact of not having the problem. She said she was going to start writing on the paper about “OK … I have a problem.” Something like that. Like really going into it quickly and admitting to it which she saw at that point I didn’t want to do.
The first sheet was about appendix out but with my gall bladder, 3 cesareans, 1 D & C (a miscarriage), didn’t have LEEP but had a cervical freezing, hysteroscopy maybe. Later she realized encephalitis wasn’t on there and I wrote it in. She said that’s important. Diabetes – mother older. Breast cancer – paternal grandmother & paternal aunt, cancer of the lining of the uterus – maternal cousin, cancer of the cecum – maternal uncle, heart disease – father. When I read depression I shook my head no and looked at her and she shook it no, too. No endometriosis (she said painful heavy bleeding) but I have fibroids in my uterus. When I said interstitial cystitis I thought no and she reminded me of the intestinal thing. Yes – diverticulitis and I wrote that in.
Smoke no. Exposed to passive smoke? A long time ago with my Mom and I hated it. Alcohol – no. Street drug use? We laughed. No I told her, but I have access to a provider she said and I said I could if I want. Not on birth control now but was for many, many years. 4 pregnancies, 3 deliveries, 3 living children, weight of largest baby is 9 pounds (my daughter). Ok – that was it.
I didn’t know what to say. I thought a moment and told her instead of writing it down on here maybe we can write it down on a separate sheet of paper and then I can re-word it. She nodded and got her pad of paper out. She started to hand it to me and I told her I wanted her to do it – I didn’t want to. She did. I had also told her I’d like her to call me and leave me a message I can listen to before Thursday so I’m not wanting to call her every 5 minutes. She nodded she would. Because we were still having trouble getting started we decided to answer the questions below first. Then get ideas of what to write. She wanted me to write in now but I didn’t want to. So I read the questions.
Leaking urine with coughing, sneezing, laughing, etc? I said no, not really. She reminded me about what happened at laughter yoga that I found out that I do. I said I don’t do that all the time. So she said to put sometimes in. Leak urine trying to get to the bathroom in time? We both nodded that yes I do. Urinate too frequently? Again, we both nodded yes. Wake up at night to urinate? I nodded I do. She said she remembered a 1:30 AM just on one. She asked me how many times I do. One, more than one? I didn’t really answer. I did look and it was on both nights : 1:20 AM and 1:45 AM. But we didn’t go into more.
Hard to empty my bladder? No. Lose bowel movements or gas by accident? No. Pressure in your bottom or bulge in female organs? No. A lot of bladder infections? No. I did come across a letter my Mom wrote my Aunt a long time ago. I was going to bring it but didn’t. She said she took me to the doctor and because I had bladder infections they had to watch me more carefully. But I don’t remember. She said I could say I did when I was younger. OK … done. She did comment that it could be worse – if I had the bowel thing, too. She said to imagine having to tell her that how embarrassing that would be! She’s right!
Now … to put something on paper. I just didn’t know. She started it “Why I Came:” I didn’t know what to say. I told her the first thing I would say is it’s complicated. It is. So she started out by saying how it affects every aspect of my life due to the frequency and urgency. And about being in a perpetual state of anxiety. She said she may be wording it funny and that I may need to re word it. I will write later in this journal the whole thing she wrote out but now just the gist of it.
We talked about the encephalitis and me wondering if it had a neurological effect on it and if there’s a treatment. How I tried 4 medicines and they didn’t work. She asked if I’ll have that list. I told her then. How I go frequently in small amounts but when I’m drinking more I have more output. And how she said the worst part is my inability to wait long enough to reach the bathroom.
Sometime during this, towards the end, I needed to go to the bathroom. She was just writing away. I told her and she said OK. I waited for a while. At about the point that it was getting harder and I just wanted to know, I asked her how long it’s been. She said 5 minutes. I tried to wait longer and did a little but then I got to the point I couldn’t. “I can’t wait any longer,” I told her and got up and went. She said that that was perfectly fine.
I got back and I told her there was something I wanted to add that I thought about before I went to the bathroom but I lost it now. I asked her to read what she had to try to jog my memory. All of it she wanted to know. Yes. She did. I told her about the spasms. Yes – she remembered. She wondered if they were spasms having to do in my brain with the encephalitis or inside my body. Inside my body. I tried to describe them to her. I said how I’m holding tight and they come and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
She wanted me to explain more. I told her I wished she knew what I was talking about. I asked her if she ever has these spasms. No – she can’t say she has. I told her more, saying I was trying not to be too descriptive. About how they come. She asked if they hurt. No, not really. But sometimes when I’m trying real hard not to go it does burn a little. Another time that I can’t remember when I said that maybe I’m like everyone else about how often they go – that I’m no different. She shook her head no that I’m not and I think even said it. She didn’t want me to get out of this no matter how hard I was trying.
Then we talked about night time when I started talking about it. She asked what about it and started writing. She only wrote, “At night I have” and that’s all. She wasn’t understanding what I was wanting to tell her. She talked about getting up at night. I tried but couldn’t tell her. She said she really doesn’t know what I’m trying to say. Guess she doesn’t remember. Finally I think I said or not getting up. Still she didn’t get it. I had to say bedwetting. I think she said that’s a given with this. Or maybe the given was getting up at night – I can’t remember. She asked how often, every night? No – not at all. She was confused. I was confused. She said I may need to write that one out. I told her about not being truthful on some of these sheets. She nodded but we didn’t get into any specifics. That was good.
Nothing was really said or blamed but it was weird. She said she’ll call me between 4:00 and 4:30. She wanted to know if I wanted just encouragement that I can do it. Yes and maybe some of what we just talked about. I told her that I know I have to be truthful. She said yes, that’s very important so she can help me. And maybe there is some help for me! I smiled – yes, maybe. She commented that I am very good at expressing myself and I’ll do fine. She wished me good luck and I left.
Here’s what she wrote: Why I Came:
The urinary issues I experience affect every aspect of my life. It keeps me from working, traveling, engaging in enjoyable activities with others due to the frequency and urgency of urinary demands. It keeps me in a perpetual state of anxiety.
This (word scratched out) I was toilet (‘potty’ word scratched out) trained at 2 years old but lost this after encephalitis at age 2 ½ yrs. This has been an issue since then.
I am wondering if the encephalitis had a neurological effect and is there a treatment. I tried 4 different medications with no help. Ditropan, Detral LA, study med, Vesacare.
I go more frequently and small amounts but when drinking more I have more output.
The worst part is my inability to wait long enough to reach the bathroom and incontinence may result.
I feel spasms when I have a full bladder and I am holding tight to wait to get to the bathroom.
At night I have
That was it when we ended. I think she was going to say that I have to get up however many times to go to the bathroom but that’s when I did and didn’t allude to the bedwetting. She wasn’t getting what I was getting at, it was hard for me to say it and I wanted to just deny it all. Plus we were running out of time. OK … now her phone message to me at 3:58 PM:
Hi (My Name) it’s (Her Name – first name only). Hope you’re doing well and I um, I hope you’re feeling calmer about the upcoming meeting on Thursday. Just remember that this is just a consultation nothing more. You don’t know these people and you won’t have to know them in the future but they’re there to help you just find out about what’s available and what’s possible and maybe help you help the situation get a little bit better. So, the main thing is that you’re honest and that you stay calm and that you stay sort of matter-of-fact about all this. Don’t make it worse than it is but really be honest because if you’re not you’re in a sense cheating yourself of what might be possible. So, I wish you the best on Thursday and I’ll be looking forward to hearing about how the appointment goes when I see you Thursday afternoon. But just take it one step at a time and, you know, look, maybe even look forward to getting some answers. So good luck and I’ll see you Thursday.
Tonight I had to call and leave a message in which I apologized for but I really needed to talk about something that happened. I made everything fun tonight but a few times my grandson really acted out. I was able to talk to him a couple times. But one time he went to the bathroom and peed in his pants. They said he does that some times. My granddaughter said her Mom gets mad at her if she does that (even on accident). That even made it worse. The whole thing upset me. I went in there and he was sitting on the toilet his pants all wet, the floor all wet. I calmly told him it’s not OK to act out but it’s OK to be mad at things and talk about it What do we say? Oh, banana peels and that got him smiling. But he did it again before they left and I couldn’t stand it. I left. He said he wanted to die, my daughters boyfriend was yelling – it was horrible. And my granddaughter follows me around everywhere, I love you and talking & talking. What my grandson did was very disturbing to me.
Then I talked about her message that she said to make it matter-of-factly. I told her I have to be honest with her because I’m feeling really guilty. I told her I wasn’t honest on the 24 hour things. I did do them in pencil and maybe I should do it again. I told her I’m sorry I wasn’t being honest and she’s right – I have to be honest. I told her I’m sorry I called and I’ll try to use her message but what happened was over the top. I’ll see her on Thursday.
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