We are adaptable

Back in 2000 I was in a car accident and my left arm was broke in 4 places close to my wrist. A few days later it had to be re-broke and set, when it was the nerve to my thumb got pinched. I was told I could have it re-broke again, surgery, and that should fix the problem. The only thing was I would have to sign a release not holding the doctors responsible if the nerve was severed when my arm was re-broke. Not a chance I was willing to take right away. Eventually the pain went down to a dull ache, provided I didn't accidentally bump into a table, door jam, door knob, etc... I've lived with it for 15 years now, most days I barely feel it, I naturally protect it without thinking about it, especially when waking through a door way. There are times when I do bump it, and if the weather changes drastically it feels like it's in a vice. Widowhood (widowerhood?) has been similar. At first the shock, then unbearable pain (worse than a broken arm by far!), my emotions would change, sometimes so quickly I couldn't keep track of them, I wouldn't know what I was feeling. Sometimes they would linger for hours, in no particular order, I never knew what was coming next, or how long it would last. I have to say I've come a long way since then, I've adapted to my new life as a single parent, I didn't want to, but had to. I've learned how to cook (somewhat ok), how to sew (poorly), have quit smoking, vaping, and gotten healthier (I've lost 60 lbs) (ok 50 now, I've put a few back on but I'm maintaining). Even after all of this, there is still the pain of my loss, it's lessened now, but like the dull ache in my arm, it will always be there. I know I will still have days where the pain will rise, sometimes I will be able to see it coming, other times I won't. I have accepted that this is my life now, I have learned to live with the pain, and not let it control me. If I can do this you can too.