We always come back...
I haven't been here for a long time. It's not that I recovered from my mental illness. I guess I just ran out of things to say. It's been so long that I was reading a past entry and I don't even recognise that person anymore. But in all fairness I'm pretty sure I was having a mental breakdown lol.
I needed to find a place to get these feelings out. Almost 2 months ago my cat, Lucy, was attacked by 3 dogs. I rushed her to the vet and she had to have surgery to 2 hernias and the female vet said she was doubtful that Lucy would ever walk again. She didn't have any fractures or visible damage to the spine but she had suffered some kind of trauma. I wasn't ready to give up and I felt neither was Lucy so I went against the vet's advice to have her put to sleep. It's been 8 weeks today and Lucy is able to walk with my assistance and if I help her to stand she can maintain it for over half a minute. Compared to what she could do when the vet saw her, she has made incredible progress. She couldn't even move her feet when I first got her back home.
It's hard... Lucy requires quite a lot of care. Because of my major depression I've been unable to work so I have a lot of time to spend with Lucy with rehabilitation. We have had a lot of negative people, but so many more positive people were found through Lucy's Facebook page. I can't really tell them how negative my mum can sometimes be. I know they would be mad at her. Mum is really the only reason Lucy is still alive though. Without her I could not have come up with the $3200 needed for Lucy's surgery. I couldn't tell them that mum had said that the only reason she'd helped me by lending me the money was because she didn't want my blood on her hands because the guilt and loss would've been too much for me. My mum saved my girl and if that means I have to endure her spite then that's okay with me.
Lately a lot of people have been pessimistic in asking me what I'll do if Lucy doesn't walk again. I do believe she will. I don't think I can bear the alternative. It was my fault that she got attacked. I shouldn't have taken my eyes off her. But I did, and Lucy paid the price for it. The guilt eats at me. If Lucy never walks again it would be on me. But every day we make more and more progress and I don't believe that she won't walk again. Honestly I don't know what I'd do if she didn't. I'm always worried about her falling and my place is so small... I hate to think of her spending her life in here unable to walk while I'm studying and working and well... away from her. Not to mention I have six other cats... I just don't want that for her. I know if worse came to worse we'd make it work but I just don't even want to go down that road of negativity. I'd rather be optimistically ignorant.
I needed to find a place to get these feelings out. Almost 2 months ago my cat, Lucy, was attacked by 3 dogs. I rushed her to the vet and she had to have surgery to 2 hernias and the female vet said she was doubtful that Lucy would ever walk again. She didn't have any fractures or visible damage to the spine but she had suffered some kind of trauma. I wasn't ready to give up and I felt neither was Lucy so I went against the vet's advice to have her put to sleep. It's been 8 weeks today and Lucy is able to walk with my assistance and if I help her to stand she can maintain it for over half a minute. Compared to what she could do when the vet saw her, she has made incredible progress. She couldn't even move her feet when I first got her back home.
It's hard... Lucy requires quite a lot of care. Because of my major depression I've been unable to work so I have a lot of time to spend with Lucy with rehabilitation. We have had a lot of negative people, but so many more positive people were found through Lucy's Facebook page. I can't really tell them how negative my mum can sometimes be. I know they would be mad at her. Mum is really the only reason Lucy is still alive though. Without her I could not have come up with the $3200 needed for Lucy's surgery. I couldn't tell them that mum had said that the only reason she'd helped me by lending me the money was because she didn't want my blood on her hands because the guilt and loss would've been too much for me. My mum saved my girl and if that means I have to endure her spite then that's okay with me.
Lately a lot of people have been pessimistic in asking me what I'll do if Lucy doesn't walk again. I do believe she will. I don't think I can bear the alternative. It was my fault that she got attacked. I shouldn't have taken my eyes off her. But I did, and Lucy paid the price for it. The guilt eats at me. If Lucy never walks again it would be on me. But every day we make more and more progress and I don't believe that she won't walk again. Honestly I don't know what I'd do if she didn't. I'm always worried about her falling and my place is so small... I hate to think of her spending her life in here unable to walk while I'm studying and working and well... away from her. Not to mention I have six other cats... I just don't want that for her. I know if worse came to worse we'd make it work but I just don't even want to go down that road of negativity. I'd rather be optimistically ignorant.
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It's not your fault. Nature takes its place and I don't think there's much even I could do in that situation. It was a mistake and part of being human. I'd try not to dwell on it.