We all do the best we can

Growing up I always thought everyone experienced and showed their pain in the same way I did.  Intensely and openly.  I've learned along the way, of course, that people do express everything about themselves in different ways.  Time and time again, I have a hard time accepting this.   MOST often times, and I accentuate this word, because I don't exactly practice what I preach all of the time, but most of the time if I have an issue I will share it with Jessica.  Or at least if I'm not willing to share, then if she asks me what's wrong, I can usually muster the courage to share what's going on with me.   I think I used to live behind a wall, but through Al-Anon, I've gotten so much better at being able to share my problems vocally.  I've found my voice again, again, most of the time.  Sometimes, when it comes to my most recent ex-girlfriend, Gin, I have a hard time talking about it with Jessica, but that's pretty much my exception. I have trouble accepting that when Jessica's upset or sad or hurt about something that she pushes it away and won't talk to me about it.  I forget a lot that she'll express it to me when she's ready, and that I can't push her.  She doesn't budge behind that concrete wall. So we're in our living room, I'm on the couch writing this with my heating pad on my still sore abdomen, and she has her ipod on, playing our new wii system, tennis.  I think she's really depressed, and I wish she could talk about it.  She did say she's feeling restless.  It's funny how we alternate feelings.  When she's comfortable, I feel restless, and vice versa.   I just need to accept that I can't help her.  She has the right to make her own decisions.  She also has the ability to accept the consequences to her choices.  I will let her do so.  That's the best thing I can do for her and me.   I missed my meeting this week.  I wish I could've gone.