WAVES OF PAIN

One day last week we went to see my hubby's heart doctor, just a check up from his open heart surgery last year.  I was doing fine.  We were sitting talking, I went to get some water, then the dr came.  Within a few min of the doctor talking, I could feel myself starting to get upset inside.  There was nothing wrong with my husband just the doctor was talking about new meds coming out old meds making people die, just reasons to see the doctor's every year after what my hubby had had done.  I tried to hid what I was feeling,  The feelings of trapped, wanting to cry, all the pain that one feels with the loss of our child.  The searing horrible pain.  You can't hid it it istronger than anything we have within us.  We left the doctor's and by then I could't hold back the tears.
 
When we left my husband wanted to know what happened I mean he knew it was about Ken but what triggered it.  My simple answer was ANYTHING.
 
This morning at four I woke.  I was not thinking anything much other than going to the bathroom, then the puppy wanted to go out then back to bed.
What happened got in bed and in popped my mind about our wills and had a total meltdown.  The tears couldn't stop.  The intense pain.  The thought that my son Ken was no longer going to be able to get his part of our estate, of course his children with, but it hurt so bad when I thought of it>
So again I  say "WHAT TRIGGERS  THE TEARS, THE   PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
ANYTHING, EVERYTHING.  ONE WORD, ONE THOUGHT, ONE OF ANYTHING THAT BRINGS THE PAIN TO THE TOTAL SURFACE, NO MATTER WHAT YOUR DOING, SOMETHING ALWAYS CAUSES THE WAVES OF PAIN AND TEARS TO HIT YOU SO HARD AND SO UNEXPECTED AT DIFFERENT TIMES, BARELY AWAKE, TOTALLY AWAKE, IT'S A LIFE THAT HAS BEEN TAKEN TOO EARLY, BUT WE NEVER OR NEVER WANT TO FORGET OUR CHILD. 
SANDI
 
I LOVE AND MISS YOU KENNY,  MOM
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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