Watching TV programs about rapists and the horror they perpertrate

I just finished watching a show called I.D. Investigation Discovery.  The story was about 2 men, one who was in jail for the rape of a woman and the other I think was his brother in law.I find watching shows such as these just literally makes me sooooooooo angry and triggers me.  I sit watching it enraged.  Enraged that there is so much evil out there when it comes to rape.  I am on a constant basis appaulled by the violence I see perspertrated towards woman specifically.  I am not discounting the men who also are abused.  As I see here on DS many men are abused as well and I hold them in my heart as well for their continued healing. I am reminded of what I heard last week at the Take Back the Night at our local YWCA which is an evening where suvivors tell their story of sexual abuse and rape.  The person who spoke was a male.  He is director of a Rape Crisis Center in another county here in PA.  He said and I quote" 99% of all rapes, and sexual abuse is perpertrated by men.  He addressed the audience with this question, "do we question why so many woman are sexually assaulted or do we more so question why men perpertrate these hideous crimes towards woman?  Yes, this is an issue for woman but moreso for men.  Why the violence?  His comment was that if more men would be gentle, kind, caring, and be that in the presence of men instead of what I see, the macho, the stud mentality, the disrespecting woman, be they wives or girlfriends in front of other men, then just maybe we would not have the violence that still prevails in our culture and in other cultures. I am sickened by what I see on TV.  I sit here with a heavy heart, but also with much anger toward what I see every day toward my gender.  I feel helpless at times because I want to make a difference in the lives of those who have been hurt, opressed and abused. I want to scream, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.  Of course as I have seen it takes a long time to get to that place that I will never, ever allow ANYONE  to ever hurt me again, be it words or deeds. Oh, how I wish I could guide, teach those woman who are still at a place of helplessness regarding their abusers be it domestic violence or sexual violence.  How I wish I could take their hand and the hands of their children and take them away from that which is ruining their lives day in an day out.  When children witness this kind of violence oftentimes they too become abusers.  Such a sad commentary on the world I live in.  The empathetic person in me want to heal, to heal the world, to hold those who are hurting and make the pain go away.  I cannot do that, I am not powerful enough, My God is and I pray every day that our world will become a safe place to live rather than the volent place I see in the newspapers, the TV, magazines and the radio.  I have to wonder if all survivors feel this way.  Having been witness in their own lives to violence do all surviors feel unsafe? After watching this show I am realizing that I need not watch shows like this.   It is just too triggering and the helplessness I feel does not help much. No longer is my healing of primary concern as I see it.  Yes, I will travel this path probably till the day I die, and will continue to heal and to find peace, but in that space of time, if I can in my immediate world make a difference by the very words I say and write, I want to  make a difference in the lives of those still suffering.  I know too well what suffering feels like on a very deep level. So I write this journal with love for those here at DS.  I pray for their continued healing, the awareness that is so important to heal.  I pray for those I have met here on DS and hold them in a special place in my heart. I end this journal with tears in my eyes for those who are starting their journey that they too find the peace they have longed to experience.