watching the walls again

I came home early today. i had a yoga class earlier and it turned out well. i met the actress Rose Burns and her son; were in the library today. She's been coming there all week, so she must be filming in my city. She was sweet and kind when I spoke to her. I did not have to go into the office today. I sat in a cafe to read a chapter I came in early and as i was walking in I walked passed my maintenance guy. We don't speak to each other. It did make me nervous at first but now I am totally okay with it. I think he doesn't care for me because I don't act ruff/street/urban enough, like him. I am a loner and I keep to myself and he probably thinks I'm odd b/c I don't appear to be social. I'm not social unless I have to be. A lot of times I'm afraid of people. I have been all my life b/c of the trauma. It's okay. I am learning a lot more about how to deal/manage the anxiety and panic I feel when I'm around people. Unfortunately I feel more afraid around black men b/c it was my uncles that were molesting me. I believe my inner child still feels threatened.(trigger) I'm probably putting that dude in that category. He doesn't understand me so he decided not to speak to me b/c I did speak to him once and he didn't speak to me. I was in my head about the maintenance guy, for about 40m I just stared at the walls. To shake myself out of it, I chose to call and talk to my mother. I'm not osure why b/c my mother can get under my skin. She likes to push my buttons. I was worried that we would get into it. I was prepared and I told myself to chill. We had a good conversation, not too long. She even acknowledged one of my ideas! That is a huge moment with my mother. It is something I am suppose to learn from this day. Maybe, patience. I can be a hot head in a split second. lol I am going to prepare my dinner, finish my chapter, post my tomorrow class on social media, practice for tomorrow class, and watch some NBA playoffs 2018! Have a wonderful night.