Warpath
I spoke with my nephew just now and he filled me in on so much more stuff I never knew from so many years back. There are so many lies his Dad told over the years so he refuses to believe anything Frank says. I still try to give him the benefit of the doubt. (It turns out this time he was telling the truth) I am so gullible and trusting. Truth is I hate conflict.
Their neighbors gave him so much detailed info for months back. They have been documenting his comings and goings for how much time she is left alone. Things they have had to help her deal with on so many occasions are listed as well. The kicker is he has guns and they are usually kept in his safe but Mike took a photo of a handgun laying on his bed (as well as some others so I assume more were not officially secured) that she possibly could have gotten ahold of. There are so many things and Mike is quite angry that his Dad never did step up so now he feels HE has to be the one to do it. He is planning on pressing charges for elder abuse. Does not care if his dad is arrested.
He did say though that he did not say that he (Frank) could not see the kids. Asked him if it would take him threatening to keep him from seeing his grandkids to do something. BIL laughed and said "So that's how you're gonna play this?" nephew hung up and they cut off his phone.
I don't know how this will all play out and I do plan on staying neutral myself. Frank has done alot for me... emergency contact, helped me with stuff at my apt as well as being a part of those who moved me and took me for far off appts I was afraid to drive to. I know he has lied in the past but not always. (To me I think this is more easily accepted because I realize that my family (my dad and brother) lied so much I just assumed it to be the norm. But I do love my sis and nephew and his whole family and plan on continuing to be a part of their lives for as long as I am here.
It is funny because this morning I have never prayed so hard for Sis and whatever God has in store for her. I was afraid she would pass soon but hoping she may find some much needed help and companionship. She still remembers me but so much is lost for her now but I do take comfort that I know which way she will be headed (and hopefully I may do the same. . . IF I can manage to behave. lol) I did also pray for myself since I am feeling alone and with little reason to even want to stick around. I found myself reeling with memories of family that I want to tell the kids about so they have that to know where they came from. I also saw nephew shopping at ALDI'S the other day and talking about getting together with his daughter to teach her so many of my recipes she wants to learn . This does give me a project and reminds me that I am still a part of family and loved. (Something I needed to hear)
Prayers do help.
Replies
hi....kind of know the sister is in dementia and did not know the husband was not concerned about her.....glad your nephew stepped into help.....
my sister is also somewhat headed into dementia.....but her husband is a great husband.....
I don't think you can stay "neutral" veggie queen. The son need support if he is doing the right thing. This doesn't sound good if the husband is not taking proper care of his wife, your sister.
Not neutral but. yourself "doing the right thing."
I'll pray for you, VQ. Say a prayer for my pain relief/healing if you don't mind. This is the time of year that many people start feeling extra lonely, or rejected, or just sad. You matter here on this earth.
Not all liars lie all the time. They lie when it suits them or gets them out of trouble. Liars lie. My step-son is diagnosed with a personality disorder and he tends to lie all the time about BS stuff. Telling us the truth would not "get him in trouble" but he just falsifies and lies.
Perhaps the BIL of yours is ready to be done with his wife, your sister? Sad to say but it happens. And if your sister is left to suffer alone by his lack of care, say something, make a report to Adult Protective Services in your state. I know the BIL has helped you but if he is doing wrong by your sister, well that makes him not a good person. You can visit sister at home when he is at work, take her some food and eat with her and pay attention. See how clean or dirty the home is. See if sister can eat by herself like normal, see if she can dress herself, etc. If she can no longer take care of herself, this is when you have to step in.
I am sorry I am so blunt. My in-laws were allowed to suffer and be alone when their dementia was bad. We were not the medical power of attorney nor their chosen adult child to take care of them. The chosen daughter was clueless and didn't care and lies all the time. Chosen daughter felt her job was to ignore the problems and do anything to keep them alive which meant ignoring the level of care they truly needed. She'd force them to be fed by the caregiver when they were in active dying stage and they could not chew or swallow. But she made the caregivers force the food in and wait (then remove it). Yikes. I have such horrible memories so I am tender hearted here. Daughter allowed her parents to make the decisions when it was obviously unsafe for them to be alone in their home. And the parents could not longer make decisions, had dementia, were fear based about change. They never got the proper type of care for their dementia even when they were finally moved to a good assisted living. Sister never allowed them to be in the right type of care place though. It is a long story.
Hasty, I am so sorry to hear of what your in laws (and the family) went through. That is horrible.
I do believe my BIL has been ready to put her somewhere as he has been avoiding going home to deal with her. He has been telling us that he has been going to do something for so long. I believe the reason he has been dragging his feet is because of the finances. Now he is finally forced to deal with this .
When I said about trying to stay neutral I definitely do support my nephew as he is finally taking charge and seeing things through. I just will still stay in touch with BIL too. He is also going to visit her and has stuff to get in order
The department of aging is involved now and she won't be released back home but rather placed somewhere. Currently they are still evaluating her (yesterday she went for echo cardiogram... found a heart issue now too) BIL says they have 3 options. I am actually hoping for the same as he is.
It is very distressing when the wrong people are "in charge" and either ignore or take advantage. I believe things are in better order now. (I hope and pray)
this is some good news....thanks Kim