Warm, fuzzy and tired. Good 'ol Valium :)
I like the way 3 diazepam make me feel. I'm only supposed to take 2 but 3 give me that nice fuzzy feeling. I know I have some sort of addiction to the tablets, but why shouldn't I be able to have a vice too?
Smokers can buy cigarettes, as many as they want. Alcoholics with their alcohol too. But there's a restriction on medication. I know if certain people found out that I'm becoming reliant on Diazepam (Valium) I'd probably end up losing my prescription. But I mean this has to be more healthy than thinking up ways of dying. Although the taste of those damn tablets, uck!
And I mean I'm not always taking them. I just take 3 when I'm having a hard time with fighting the warped thoughts that make me feel so incompetent.
Of course it doesn't help that mum told me I should've been drowned at birth. Who the hell says that to their kid? I mean,sure I'm 27, and I've got issues. But hell, I deserve to be drowned at birth like some animal? What the hell does that make me? I asked her later if she meant that cause it really hurt and she said she meant it cause I was the laziest person God ever put on this planet.
Now I don't know what exactly I did - or what I didn't do. I know I was sick. Had severe gastric and I was bleeding from my butt, but that didn't seem to matter. To mum I'm just a waste of space that can't do anything right.
Today I signed up to do a Crisis telephone course and also Certificate III in community services. I realise I can't ever make mum proud of me. So I need to stop seeking validation from her and just be happy in what I'm doing. I will complete these two courses. Who knows maybe I'll learn some coping techniques as I go along.
Smokers can buy cigarettes, as many as they want. Alcoholics with their alcohol too. But there's a restriction on medication. I know if certain people found out that I'm becoming reliant on Diazepam (Valium) I'd probably end up losing my prescription. But I mean this has to be more healthy than thinking up ways of dying. Although the taste of those damn tablets, uck!
And I mean I'm not always taking them. I just take 3 when I'm having a hard time with fighting the warped thoughts that make me feel so incompetent.
Of course it doesn't help that mum told me I should've been drowned at birth. Who the hell says that to their kid? I mean,sure I'm 27, and I've got issues. But hell, I deserve to be drowned at birth like some animal? What the hell does that make me? I asked her later if she meant that cause it really hurt and she said she meant it cause I was the laziest person God ever put on this planet.
Now I don't know what exactly I did - or what I didn't do. I know I was sick. Had severe gastric and I was bleeding from my butt, but that didn't seem to matter. To mum I'm just a waste of space that can't do anything right.
Today I signed up to do a Crisis telephone course and also Certificate III in community services. I realise I can't ever make mum proud of me. So I need to stop seeking validation from her and just be happy in what I'm doing. I will complete these two courses. Who knows maybe I'll learn some coping techniques as I go along.
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