Wanting Out.

I've had a really hard night. The only person I trust told a mutual friend about me finding the blade I use to cut with after I deliberately told him not to. I have always had trust issues and I could kick my self for thinking I could trust someone again. This on top of my grandpa on his death bed which is causing my mom to stay in her room and cry all day and all of the other preexisting stuff is leaving me wanting out. I just want it to be over. I want to go to a place where everything is ok and there is no more pain. I could off myself so easily. I took a shower which usually helps but I just cried harder then I ever have, so hard I could barley breath at all. I want to be dead. I talked to my best friend and he told me how much he loves me and told me where he would be without me. He started crying when he imagined me killing myself and told me that he couldn't handle things on his own. He kept me holding on this time god bless him for that. But what if Brady isn't there next time? What if next time he is grounded with his phone taken away? What if next time things are worse? |\|