wanted to die

Last night was one of the most horrible nights of my life........I waited to long to take anything before going to bed so by the time I went to bed I was hurting so bad I could hardly stand it. I was laying on my stomach with the heating pad under me, I started moving around just trying to find a position to alleviate some of the pain, nothing was working. The tears began to flow, I was crying so hard the bed was shaking, I could not stand it, I had my hands in my hair about to rip chunks out and was now in the fetal position with the heating pad between my legs and stomach. I was trying so hard not to scream the pain was so intense, I finally got up because I felt like I was going to get sick and I could not handle the pain anymore......poor Justin was beside himself not sure what to do. I gagged a couple times but was trying so hard to not get sick being that I had just taken the pill. Justin finally coerced me back to bed, he held me as I sobbed and at one point begged him to just cut me open and rip my insides out, he kissed me and rubbed my back, just kept saying I love you and that I would be ok.....I even at one point said I felt like the guy from the SAW movies was inside my body wreking havoc.....I could not take it, the pain was so bad. Finally the pill started to work I could feel my body relaxing just a little, it never did take the pain away but it did make it at least tolerable, I ended up crying myself to sleep in Justins arms, he held me all night. I woke up constantly through out the night from the sharp stabbing pains......Last night was one of the longest nights and God was it aweful.....At one point I seriously wanted to just die, that is how bad it was.......and what sucks I am in just as much pain today, and I am stuck at work, but I am drugged up.....which I do not like to be but today I can't help it...........I just have to say ENDOMETRIOSIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I hear you! I feel so terrible for you, but what a nice guy you have there. That does help to have someone who is so supportive and understanding. But he will never truly know how much pain you are in. But we all do!

I know how much it stinks to have to work and tough it out through the day. I am just beyond exhausted today... I feel like I am starting off into space and just so tired and out of it... but I have to be here. I love my job and I am so glad that I even HAVE a job in this economy, but some days are a struggle. I really hope you can get some rest this weekend. Just spoil yourself and watch movies, take warm baths or showers, snuggle up in bed. You know, sometimes things like lavendar can help me relax. Or just watching a funny movie can help take my mind off things when I had really severe pain. I know there is no real magic answer to this, but I hope you are feeling better soon!
xoxox
deleted_user
deleted_user

I am so sorry for the night you had and continue to have. One positive thing is you feel asleep in the arms of someone who really loves you and feels for you. I hope your weekend will be much better, free of pain, or at least less severe. I hope you feel better. Movie sounds good, I just seen Proposal with Sandra Bullock recommed it, very funny.