wanna purge.....

i've never purged before.....i really want to though right now....like it's really on my mind and i kind of wanna make myself....i know that that's not healthy and i know that it can be a bad spiral and i have too much to lose if i do it....that's what's keeping me from doing it....i ate something that i feel like i shouldn't have and i feel like i'm so fat that purging would make it better.....i need to fight ED...fight it, Fight It, FIGHT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!