Walls
I am staring at the walls at work today and counting the minutes till 430. I have gone back and forth today in text with Joe and I believe he has really given up. It breaks my heart. I need to let go. I'm not worth changing for apparently. Even offering to help him is not enough. I spoke to my counselor last night and she told me that I need to stop opening myself up to him.
Selfishly-I miss the good times. She said-I miss "what might have been". I'm sorry to sound like a broken record. But-the isolation we are in right now doesn't help. It doesn't help I have no work to keep my mind busy and an empty room to go home to. I tore down my walls for this man, jumped in the lake, took a chance....for what??
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Many people think that this is a time that we were predestined to experience. We are being forced to face our shadows and to deal with them. We have two options. We can deal with each as they arise......with Love, Foregiveness and Compassion, or Fear. ........ Hate, jealousy, anger are all connected to fear because all those negative emotions represent fear of something.
2020 will be a difficult year for many but it will get better in time.
God Bless
Yes it will.:)
Can I ask why you think his drinking or inability to not drink is about you or is a reflection of you? When you say stuff like you're not worth changing for, you're in effect making his drinking or not drinking about you. He is unwell. He is addicted to alcohol. See it simply that he's an addict. If every addict could just change or were compelled to get help just because they loved someone and someone loved them back, or someone offered them help, no one would be an addict, ever. It's deeper and more complex than you are seeing it. It's clinical. It's pathological. Unless you have special magic powers, you cannot make people do what is best for themselves sometimes. Do you always do what others want you to do simply because they love you? I doubt it. I know I sure don't.
Your counselor is right. Stop making yourself available to him. That's not emotionally healthy for you. It's just not. You can stop that. YOU. That is not only within your control but also self care of YOU.
We all get hurt. All of us. And if you're lucky to live long enough, you get hurt multiple times. And it feels awful but it does not kill us. The isolation just amplifies loss and sadness. You really are ok.
Yup. You’re ok. There’s a reason that impermanence is often a focus of meditation. It’s where a huge amount of our suffering happens. Nothing is permanent yet we get upset every time something changes. It’s kinda funny if you really think about it.
So a way to heal and move on is to take a deep breath and say that it wasn’t meant to be. Whatever the experience It happened precisely the way it was meant to and changed when we needed it too weather we understand why ,at the moment, or not.
Over the years I have taken my life way too seriously. It feels good to let go and smile. I know breakups are hard. Just don’t make it harder. We do that to ourselves and sometimes I don’t know why. It’s like I’m addicted to emotional pain when I absolutely have the ability to give myself a hug and go for a walk or cook a great meal.
Lol. This pep talk is starting to sound like a self help book so I’ll stop while I’m behind.
I've lost track of how many times I've given up on my recovery road. I am not quite sure what keeps pulling me out of the gutters on that road, but? ? ? The healing mysteries are most profoundly mysterious, as are Life's Endless Circles.
Healing hopes for both of you. Hope healing happens here.
Yes...i dont want to feel this pain always..and the control freak in me doesnt want him to either but i realize hes been in this pain far longer than ive been around. Hes got to decide hes tired of it. Your right i need to let go.
I agree with rmb. Sometimes you just have to give up your expectations of a relationship and accept it for what it is. You can still care about him but you can't change another person. the best thing you can do for someone else is to take care of yourself and right now taking care of yourself means not being enmeshed with him and his problems. Give him space follow his own path.