Walking Through My Fear - Scared of Rejection
It has been two weeks since the big fight in Indianapolis between my BIL, my sister in SA and my baby sister in Indianapolis.
I have wanted to call my sister in SA, but was afraid. I had text her a couple times and no response; however she did acknowledge pictures I put on FB of my son and grandson.
I have somewhat trusted my gut and did not call for two weeks; didn't feel right. I looked at "what was I afraid of?" It came down to 'rejection.' Or. the words Rich used "what if." What if she/he attacked me, what if she put me on the spot about my baby sister, what if she thought I should of taken her side, what if she never wants anything to do with me again, on and on and on and on.
This morning during my centering time, I acknowledged it was 'rejection' I was still afraid of rejection. And...being put on the spot. I heard a voice that said "you must walk thru your fear" and the timing felt right today.
If my sister and bil rejected me, it had e'thing to do with them as I did not participate in the argument. If they put me on the spot about the situation, I would choose not to defend or argue; but I would listen. I listened to my sister in Indy and I would listen to them.
None of the above happened. I called and talked about things we normally talk about. It was a little awkward at first, but it got better as we talked.
I was thinking after the conversation, maybe my sister was afraid too. I don't know that, but were so connected that I would bet she was. We are still very fragile when it come to family.
Anyway, walking thru my fear gave me such a sense of relief. I love both my sister's and want to have a r'ship with them.
This situation was such a childhood issue. My Mom ALWAYS in a sneaky, manipulative way (wonder where I got it MOM?) :-) made sure one child was siding with her at all times; turning us siblings against each other. I have done the same thing over the years. This is the first time I stayed out of it; that itself felt awkward.
Lessons, lessons, lessons. Another veil has been lifted and I am so grateful
Happy Sunday. Off to pick tomatoes, green beans and cucumbers from a friends garden.
xo
I have wanted to call my sister in SA, but was afraid. I had text her a couple times and no response; however she did acknowledge pictures I put on FB of my son and grandson.
I have somewhat trusted my gut and did not call for two weeks; didn't feel right. I looked at "what was I afraid of?" It came down to 'rejection.' Or. the words Rich used "what if." What if she/he attacked me, what if she put me on the spot about my baby sister, what if she thought I should of taken her side, what if she never wants anything to do with me again, on and on and on and on.
This morning during my centering time, I acknowledged it was 'rejection' I was still afraid of rejection. And...being put on the spot. I heard a voice that said "you must walk thru your fear" and the timing felt right today.
If my sister and bil rejected me, it had e'thing to do with them as I did not participate in the argument. If they put me on the spot about the situation, I would choose not to defend or argue; but I would listen. I listened to my sister in Indy and I would listen to them.
None of the above happened. I called and talked about things we normally talk about. It was a little awkward at first, but it got better as we talked.
I was thinking after the conversation, maybe my sister was afraid too. I don't know that, but were so connected that I would bet she was. We are still very fragile when it come to family.
Anyway, walking thru my fear gave me such a sense of relief. I love both my sister's and want to have a r'ship with them.
This situation was such a childhood issue. My Mom ALWAYS in a sneaky, manipulative way (wonder where I got it MOM?) :-) made sure one child was siding with her at all times; turning us siblings against each other. I have done the same thing over the years. This is the first time I stayed out of it; that itself felt awkward.
Lessons, lessons, lessons. Another veil has been lifted and I am so grateful
Happy Sunday. Off to pick tomatoes, green beans and cucumbers from a friends garden.
xo
Replies
I read today that if you try to \'go round\' a situation, then you probably haven\'t dealt with it. But if you face and work \'through it\' then you\'ve learnt something. I think you\'ve managed this situation very well. You\'ve followed your heart which is beautiful. Your family does sound fragile but I think you\'ve handled it beautifully. I\'m always learning from you! Happy Sunday Vicki xxxxx
Thanks Rosie! I believe, the only way out is through! I knew it had to be done, it was just a matter of my Inner Guide saying \"when.\" Today was the day! xo
All my family is extremely wounded and nothing has ever been resolved between us as we cannot talk without being triggered; which in turn, turns into an argument. I have come a long way and still get sucked in at times, but I believe I 90% better than I used to be. I have great compassion for my siblings because if they hurt like I used to hurt...that\'s a lot of crap to carry around. xo