Walking in Someone Else's Shoes
It's hard, but I tried to see things from my father's perspective and it wasn't pretty.
What if I were 83 and suddenly found myself dependent on someone else?
All your life you've been independent, always the one who came to the rescue. Fit, strong, financially better off than most people you knew, you're the one everyone comes to if they need money. You were the head of the house since your father died back when you were just a child. You had challenges most people never dreamed of. As an adult, you had your own family, but legions of cousins who depended on you. You gave your money freely and your house was always full of people looking for a handout. Then one day it changes. You're old and your body is not reacting the way it once had. You've slowed down and know it. Memory is not as sharp. And the respect you once received from family members is no more because they're all dead and the younger ones could care less. You've gone from having a great job and great pay to living off retirement. And you didn't save anything because you put family first and gave your money away. Now you feel alone. Vulnerable.
There's this daughter--the little girl you raised. The one who leaned on you because you were her big, strong Daddy, is an adult. She has her own life, own family. She's the only family member who never came to you for money. But now, due to a problem with your pension, you find yourself relying on her financially. You tell yourself it's only temporary, but as the months go by, and you come to depend on her more, you start to resent her. You hate this part of yourself, but it's true. Add in the fact that you recently had foot surgery and have restrictions. This means you must wait for her to shop for you, to do things around the house. You don't like that so you get up and try to do for yoursef, but this only reminds you of how weak you've become. You tell yourself that things will get better, that the foot will heal, but after the fourth surgery you start to wonder. Is it downhill from here?
And the daughter, the all grown up daughter, the girl who used to lean on you, isn't doing that. Now you're leaning on her and hoping she doesn't notice. Resentment builds as the months go by and you find yourself snapping at her. You've always had issues, issues that go back to WW2 and the world that didn't welcome you back. Now, the nightmares from that period haunt you and you can't sleep. So days go by without sleep, making you even crabbier and your explosions continue. Your daughter is all you have left and she's your only target.
The doctor tells you to return to normal life. You can drive and do things around the house. You look 20 years younger than your age, but still, you feel the weakness. You're getting older. And there's nothing you can do about it.
In time, you realize the way of life: you're suddenly becoming your daughter's child. You're no longer her big, strong daddy.
What if I were 83 and suddenly found myself dependent on someone else?
All your life you've been independent, always the one who came to the rescue. Fit, strong, financially better off than most people you knew, you're the one everyone comes to if they need money. You were the head of the house since your father died back when you were just a child. You had challenges most people never dreamed of. As an adult, you had your own family, but legions of cousins who depended on you. You gave your money freely and your house was always full of people looking for a handout. Then one day it changes. You're old and your body is not reacting the way it once had. You've slowed down and know it. Memory is not as sharp. And the respect you once received from family members is no more because they're all dead and the younger ones could care less. You've gone from having a great job and great pay to living off retirement. And you didn't save anything because you put family first and gave your money away. Now you feel alone. Vulnerable.
There's this daughter--the little girl you raised. The one who leaned on you because you were her big, strong Daddy, is an adult. She has her own life, own family. She's the only family member who never came to you for money. But now, due to a problem with your pension, you find yourself relying on her financially. You tell yourself it's only temporary, but as the months go by, and you come to depend on her more, you start to resent her. You hate this part of yourself, but it's true. Add in the fact that you recently had foot surgery and have restrictions. This means you must wait for her to shop for you, to do things around the house. You don't like that so you get up and try to do for yoursef, but this only reminds you of how weak you've become. You tell yourself that things will get better, that the foot will heal, but after the fourth surgery you start to wonder. Is it downhill from here?
And the daughter, the all grown up daughter, the girl who used to lean on you, isn't doing that. Now you're leaning on her and hoping she doesn't notice. Resentment builds as the months go by and you find yourself snapping at her. You've always had issues, issues that go back to WW2 and the world that didn't welcome you back. Now, the nightmares from that period haunt you and you can't sleep. So days go by without sleep, making you even crabbier and your explosions continue. Your daughter is all you have left and she's your only target.
The doctor tells you to return to normal life. You can drive and do things around the house. You look 20 years younger than your age, but still, you feel the weakness. You're getting older. And there's nothing you can do about it.
In time, you realize the way of life: you're suddenly becoming your daughter's child. You're no longer her big, strong daddy.
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