Waking up

I woke up this morning and the first thought I had was how much I hurt. It terrifies me to wake up that way everyday and it takes a toll on me for the rest of the day.it makes me sad to think about the fact that it never gets easier to accept the fact that I've been put into this situation. It took me a long time to realize and accept that my life was going to be harder than it should be, and that everything I do would take ten times as much convincing as everyone else.it feels like my heart, my mind, and my body are constantly fighting with eachother. My heart has so much love, strength and hope, my mind is logical and my body tears me down, hard. It feels like a constant battle and everyday I try twice as hard as the day before. Its hard not to cry when your body feels like its been run over by a truck, when the stress of everyday sits on your shoulders and smiles, and the pain you want to escape follows you everywhere you go. I keep thinking about acceptance and whether or not I've truly accepted this, but honestly I don't even know what that truly means. I'm not a realist, but if you want to get real, this is how it is and I have no choice in the matter. Usually my pain makes me angry but today it made me sad. I use anger as a defense mechanism but today I'm defenseless. I just hope my mind and heart win today.