Waking up to a whisper!
In my sleep last night I heard my moms voice whisper my name very softly just enough to wake me up " (((k e l l y))) "... I woke up thinking she was at my kitchen door... Then I smelled the scent of Ryan in front of my nose. It made me think, it kind of scares me, my mom hasn't been feeling good for quite sometime..We all have been worrying about her cuz she was always the glue of the family and she is burnt out.. Ever since losing Ryan her grandson it has changed our family and she has No fight left in her, so to speak. I laid in bed keeping Ryan's scent near my nose so I could get back to sleep. The scent of Ryan being with me made me fall back to sleep in peace..... BUT I DO know Ryan was always close to his nanny and I believe it was a wake up call to get back on schedule and pay more attention to her again.. I need to stay focused and take over her position in life to make our family close again..
It has been an on going process, it is not easy to bounce back time and time again.. The summer got in my way, any little thing can get in the way, getting sick headaches, etc.. It is SO hard and tiring... Between helping my in-laws, my parents household stuff and now a little elderly ladie, I get thrown off... I never realized how much my life has changed..
Does this happen to you moms, I love taking care of them, then I go through a lull, , Frustrating!!! I go to bed at night exhausted and wake up feeling like cement.. It takes me so much time to get myself moving in the morning.. I feel guilty, I attend to want to stay on the computer and then get up and do my day.. I should get up earlier, set an alarm clock and start earlier so I can balance out, Just saying. Just venting!! Love You SOTH, Xo Kelly
It has been an on going process, it is not easy to bounce back time and time again.. The summer got in my way, any little thing can get in the way, getting sick headaches, etc.. It is SO hard and tiring... Between helping my in-laws, my parents household stuff and now a little elderly ladie, I get thrown off... I never realized how much my life has changed..
Does this happen to you moms, I love taking care of them, then I go through a lull, , Frustrating!!! I go to bed at night exhausted and wake up feeling like cement.. It takes me so much time to get myself moving in the morning.. I feel guilty, I attend to want to stay on the computer and then get up and do my day.. I should get up earlier, set an alarm clock and start earlier so I can balance out, Just saying. Just venting!! Love You SOTH, Xo Kelly
Replies
It sounds like periods that I go through, I like to stay more organised and I think a routine of some kind does help but like you right now I\'m not really making the most of anything, I need to wake up and stand up and walk forward again. You sound like you are tired my lovely maybe all that looking after others sometimes we get a little lost in it all. Maybe you NEED YOU TIME to ponder and just be at one with yourself, it\'s not a crime but I know even as I write this I\'m frustrated at myself for not bouncing back or bouncing higher. So don\'t put too much on yourself ie the getting up earlier or wanting to stay on the computer, just a day at a time and think about YOU, sounds to me like you are also the glue that keeps the foundation for those around you balanced. Hugs and love back to you Kelly. Mags xo
Kelly, I think as women we take care of so many others & then it just catches up to us & we get exhausted. And as a grieving mom I feel like my stores of energy get depleted quicker than before Ed\'s passing.
So neat to have Ryan close by and communicating with you, isn\'t it? Much love to you both, Linda
Kelly, I think we all do like what Linda said we take care of so many others. My Mom passed away 3 years ago and she too was so close to our Jeff. Sometimes I look back and feel so guilty about my Mom because I always wanted it to be just me grieving because I was his Mom. Now I don\'t get to say that to my Mom and tell her that I knew she loved Jeff too. Try to take it easy we are not Superwomen. Much love and peace being sent to you.
Nell
Kelly, YOU have the one of the most loving hearts that I know of and that is one of your gifts. You are an empath and feel what others are feeling even sometimes before they are and it goes straight to your heart. Because of that I think it makes you sometimes feel that you have to do more, be more and keep pushing forward towards something.
I know you are doing all that you can for now and heed those intuitive hits as you are, yet take the best care too of yourself that you can. Just as the others have said our reserves have been sorely depleted with the loss of our children and it is very humbling to know that I cannot do what I could in the past. No one is asking you to be and do all of these things but you....
It is a trap that each of us falls into as women to be super women and it is just not possible for any length of time. Oh, yes, those capes do need to come on from time time and yet to have them become a regular go to in our wardrobes is just not a fit any longer.
You know that I put this out there as my thoughts and you always take what you like and leave the rest...
Know that you are enough today just as YOU are that there is no more striving necessary... Moving into thriving is something I know each of us hopes for and it\'s there.
You take care dear woman that you are and your Ryan came to you for many reasons, I suspect. Perhaps one of the most important ones was letting you know he has your back and is always with you. You do not have to carry this all on our own.
Love YOU and lots of slowing that mind down and bringing those thoughts down into your heart where your truth resides. Your mind will tell stories yet your heart knows what matters.
I\'m with you and YOU are simply the BEST! I adore reading your journals and a so wish I could be joining in on some of the fun you all have been having. :)
XXOO Joanie