Waiting for answers
Yesterday I had the functional ability test. What a waist of time!! I was in so much pain and so exhausted after the test that I came home, slept for 3 hours, got up for 3 hours, then went back to bed. Laid down at 9:30pm and was for sure that because I was so tired I would sleep through the night. Not the case!! I was hurting somuch that I finallygot out of bed at 3am and have been up ever since.
The test was frustrating because I don't understand how someone can make a determination of how sick I am based on a 2 hour evaluation!!! It was also frustrating because we got interrupted 3 times. Twice to take phone calls about his kid and once by someone walking in to ask for information on an EMG.
I tried to get through all of the tests without complaining. The last thing I want is to be out on full disability, but it hurt!! I must have looked like a bumbling idiot to him. I think I caught him rolling his eyes at me a couple times!! When he asked if I use any mobility aids, I told him I don't because it would embarrass my kids but that a couple times I have used the electric chairs in stores when my legs are really bothering me. He told me to consider using a cane to help me....that does not sound promising.
Anyways, by the time I got done with the test, he asked me how I think it went and I turned the question around on him. I asked him how he think it went and if I have a case to return to work. He said he had to wait for a job description from my nurse manager before he could make that call and said my doctor should have the paperwork in a day or two with his findings.
Today I have to meet with the employee health doctor. Kinda stressed about that. From what I hear he is not very cooperative. Like I said, I don't understand how people can make a decision about your future and lively-hood based on a few minutes of meeting me. I am so pissed at my rheumatologist for putting me through this. He has been seeing me for many years and knows what I have been going through. He should have been the one to make the call on whether I could continue to work or not...not ship me off to someone else. I think I will find out if my PCP can handle my condition and fire the rheumatologist!!!
For now, I am stressed about the findings of these appointments. I don't want full disability, but I need some restrictions and accommodations placed on me because I am so stubborn I would never place them on myself.
On one hand I blame my manager for taking this all to human resources, but on the other hand, I am glad this is all going down because this is what I needed to help me slow down. I would have never done it on my own....too proud (or stubborn) to do it on my own. And, each shift I worked, I prayed that the brain fog did not cause me to pass a wrong med or my joints did not give me such a fit that I would fall in front of my patients.
I guess I will find out in a couple of hours what my fate holds. Either way, I will take it as a sign that I am either full of shit or need to slow down!!! I may be stubborn, but I have very little faith in myself and my body any more!!
The test was frustrating because I don't understand how someone can make a determination of how sick I am based on a 2 hour evaluation!!! It was also frustrating because we got interrupted 3 times. Twice to take phone calls about his kid and once by someone walking in to ask for information on an EMG.
I tried to get through all of the tests without complaining. The last thing I want is to be out on full disability, but it hurt!! I must have looked like a bumbling idiot to him. I think I caught him rolling his eyes at me a couple times!! When he asked if I use any mobility aids, I told him I don't because it would embarrass my kids but that a couple times I have used the electric chairs in stores when my legs are really bothering me. He told me to consider using a cane to help me....that does not sound promising.
Anyways, by the time I got done with the test, he asked me how I think it went and I turned the question around on him. I asked him how he think it went and if I have a case to return to work. He said he had to wait for a job description from my nurse manager before he could make that call and said my doctor should have the paperwork in a day or two with his findings.
Today I have to meet with the employee health doctor. Kinda stressed about that. From what I hear he is not very cooperative. Like I said, I don't understand how people can make a decision about your future and lively-hood based on a few minutes of meeting me. I am so pissed at my rheumatologist for putting me through this. He has been seeing me for many years and knows what I have been going through. He should have been the one to make the call on whether I could continue to work or not...not ship me off to someone else. I think I will find out if my PCP can handle my condition and fire the rheumatologist!!!
For now, I am stressed about the findings of these appointments. I don't want full disability, but I need some restrictions and accommodations placed on me because I am so stubborn I would never place them on myself.
On one hand I blame my manager for taking this all to human resources, but on the other hand, I am glad this is all going down because this is what I needed to help me slow down. I would have never done it on my own....too proud (or stubborn) to do it on my own. And, each shift I worked, I prayed that the brain fog did not cause me to pass a wrong med or my joints did not give me such a fit that I would fall in front of my patients.
I guess I will find out in a couple of hours what my fate holds. Either way, I will take it as a sign that I am either full of shit or need to slow down!!! I may be stubborn, but I have very little faith in myself and my body any more!!
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