waiting anxiety ii

the children's maternal family is scheduled to pick up the children tomorrow, around 3 or 4 pm. scheduled. . . this family has a solid reputation for treating schedules like suggestions more than facts. asking for an explanation for the extra waiting is an invitation to invest even more time in listening to an amplified drama. can we just get the job done? for my own part, i simply schedule in the flex time while i wait to see how the guesswork unfolds.

i've been reviewing my timeline for the span we have been in this house. going back any further brings me to my son's death and the baggage he and his wife carried to their graves. i'm not ready to go there yet. not deliberately. still leaning gently into the grief while disrupting the flow as little as possible.

this morning my gut is rumbling ominously. the rumble lead me to waiting anxiety. waiting anxiety just might be my meanest anxiety bad girl, regardless of what i am waiting for. i can what-if my way to disaster scenarious in less time that it takes to fill a moped gas tank. in fall of 1974 when a moped was my primary transportation in heidelberg, germany, my what-if scenarious were unbridled in their psychotic fright. i've come a long way in recognizing and managing my waiting anxiety but it remains an energettic effort.

methinks a more pointedly defined focus is needed for this go-round on the waiting anxiety management effort. the first time my son's in-laws picked up the children for christmas at their house feels like a good place to start. this house was in place, but still in two pieces and awaiting the battoning touches. hubby and i shopped for furniture and made the tenth of a mile move from the old farm house to the new mobile home while the children were with their maternal family.

https://www.dailystrength.org/journals/waiting-anxiety

processing. . . attempting to be patient with the process. my rumbly gut wants solutions NOW! ! !

breathing. . .

again i leave the mood icon on the rapid cycling median, but i beleive i am holding steady through the storm. just believing as i continue monitoring the psycho nag flags and plying therapy tools.