waiting
little nervous. im supposed to see the ex today if she is up to it. has been almost 2 weeks. just wanted some closure or something. maybe give her her clothes back so i dont look at them everytime i walk into my room. i dont know. i hurt im sad and i need to get out of this. i had long talk with sis yesterday and she said i just need to let her go but i really dont want to but know i should. i still both ways text all day long. she still calls me couple times a week. but the question is why. if she doesnt want me. why stay in contact. how do i make her talk to give me some kind of peace. i feel so shitty and unnattractive.. for months she couldnt even look me in the face when i tried to kiss her or touch her. she said she left cause she knew she was hurting me although she wanted to stay. i know a little she is hurting but cant stop freaking out when she tells me she is going out with friends. if i still have my head lost why doesnt she. i look like an old miserable bitch cause that is what im allowing myself to be
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\"I look like an old miserable bitch cause that is what im allowing myself to be.\" Great Epiphany sweet one!
You sure are allowing this journey to beat the hell out of you. I can\'t imagine you enjoy this sadness and confusion; and the signs of what is real and clear have been sitting right beside you for weeks now. Please find closure!!
I send you many positive thoughts and prayers for strength to move through and out of this and into the light of joy.
yes i am allowing it too. but when she came over she felt like heaven. its so much easier being angry when she is not infront of me. told her she needs to make up her mind cause im not in a good place. she cried and just stood there said she is not happy just taking life day by day. she just said she doesnt feel like im the one. she things she suppossed to feel fireworks oh know deep down inside im it and she cant tell me that. she said she had nothing really to say just needs to figure out things. i said staying away from me is not reality cause she still contacting me all day long just not seeing me. im scared i have so much feelings for her feel like i will be alone forever if i let her go. i dont really have many friends or any family around. and she makes me smile sounds crazy but i love when i am with her.
Yeah, I would definitely say that in this situation, I would be your ex. I left my ex girlfriend because I knew I was going to hurt her if I didn\'t leave the relationship. Of course she was devastated, and took it out on both me and herself. She started eating a lot of junk food - this normally would be okay except for the fact that she is a diabetic. She left the state for a while to start training as a jockey, but shortly after had to come back because her liver was fucked up because of the diabetes. I started dating my current girlfriend. She invited me over for a party, and I brought Karen (ex said it was ok). Then a couple days later we get in this huuuge argument. She said \"it looked like you were cuddling with your mother!\" and \"You had no right to kiss her in MY HOUSE.\"
I still haven\'t forgiven her for that. She apologizes, and even if she does mean it, you can\'t take back something like that. Maybe I\'m too hard on her. But that\'s the way I feel. Sometimes I think she still has feelings for me. I can\'t do anything about it of course. I call her occasionally, and she probably wonders why I\'m still keeping in touch with her if I don\'t like her anymore. I cheated on one of my exes once (through webcam of all things), and I was feeling that \"adventurous\" feeling again that I had before I cheated on her. I didn\'t want that to happen to my ex, she\'s definitely a lot more unstable than the one I had cheated on.
Anyway, that rant was totally pointless. I would like to tell you that you\'re not alone, that I\'m in the same situation, but I\'m on the opposite end of this unfortunately. So I guess all I can tell you is that I\'m here and I\'m listening. Keep writing. It really does help. I\'ve learned that recently, thanks to my girlfriend, and thanks to you! I\'m serious :] Thanks.
Lisa