Wait What Another Journal????

YES YES YESSOON I WILL BE GONE TO THE MILITARY. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS WAIT FOR MY PSYCHOLOGIST TO COME BACK FROM CHINA WITH THE OK FOR ME TO GOOMG THIS IS SO FUCKING SWEET....... Anyways, I don't know how to explain this but my mind is a mess. I am headed in one direction but yet at the same time, pulled back in another. I mean yay me but at the same time I just want to be smacked on my hand and say NO NO NO. But I can't what is this force that pulls me back what is this force that wants me to love someone from my past again. Can I really live a normal life anymore?????