Visiting his grave
First I guess I need to say that my husband was a Marine Vietnam Vet/. He was cremated but I had his ashes burined at the Arsnel near our home. My brother - in - law, his baby brother, had the honor guard at the funeral home and they provided escort to the national cementary at the Rock Island Arsnel.
My issue is I don't understand me.....when I lost my father I was at his grave every day. I couldn't stay away. For my husband, I can't seem to force myself to go. I don't know if it is the fact that I still feel him with me, I talk to him all the time. Is that the reason I don't feel the need to go to his grave. I try to talk to him at his grave and I can't all I can do is sit there and cry, at home at work in the car I have a running conversation with him in my head. I had a wonderful experience 2 weeks after he died, it was the weekend of the great moon. I went to bed at my normal time and I remembered being with my Bob just hanging out. We were sitting in our living room and talking about the great moon. I looked at the clock, I think he asked me the time to validate he was there. And then we went out to the front deck and looked at the moon. I don't remember what he looked like but I felt he was so incredibly happy, kind of why did I fight the cancer so long when this was waiting for me. He was so at peace...I try to focus on that but my heart still aches with the loss of him. I want my husband back, I miss my husband, I miss our life, I miss hearing his voice, I miss racing home to see who would cook and who would do the clean up, I miss listening to his polictical views (could be described as rants) . I miss my Bob
My issue is I don't understand me.....when I lost my father I was at his grave every day. I couldn't stay away. For my husband, I can't seem to force myself to go. I don't know if it is the fact that I still feel him with me, I talk to him all the time. Is that the reason I don't feel the need to go to his grave. I try to talk to him at his grave and I can't all I can do is sit there and cry, at home at work in the car I have a running conversation with him in my head. I had a wonderful experience 2 weeks after he died, it was the weekend of the great moon. I went to bed at my normal time and I remembered being with my Bob just hanging out. We were sitting in our living room and talking about the great moon. I looked at the clock, I think he asked me the time to validate he was there. And then we went out to the front deck and looked at the moon. I don't remember what he looked like but I felt he was so incredibly happy, kind of why did I fight the cancer so long when this was waiting for me. He was so at peace...I try to focus on that but my heart still aches with the loss of him. I want my husband back, I miss my husband, I miss our life, I miss hearing his voice, I miss racing home to see who would cook and who would do the clean up, I miss listening to his polictical views (could be described as rants) . I miss my Bob
Replies
Totally understand. Brian is buried at the church cementary 2 miles from our home. I have been there like 3 times since he past 8 weeks ago. It\'s hard emotionally for me to go there. I went on Sunday to take flowers, had them in a pot so the wind wouldn\'t take them and when I got there the monument people had placed the base part of the stone with the vase so I used it instead, But seeing just the base there hit home a little. Cried. Still waiting on the headstone part. Last night I cried myself to sleep, I miss him, Miss him in bed next to me. Just knowing he was here if I needed something. Calling me after I got off work during my drive home. Why did God have to tak him? I wasn\'t ready, neither was Brian. I will never find someone like him.