Vincent Enrique

I wrote about Vinnie today for the first time in a group...  My heart is breaking completely...  I am crying over the pain and guilt I feel regarding his death...  I feel like I killed him because I knew he was sick but still smoked in my house...  It was my fault he is dead...  He is buried in my backyard and I cannot even look at his gravestone...  I cannot even remember what he looked like...  I loved him so much and I know he loved me...  I hate myself for doing what I did...  I hate myself...  We used to hold "hands" every night...  He slept on the pillow beside me...  I miss him so much...  He was my best friend...  My heart is broken and I wish I had never, never done the things I did that made him worse...  I cannot believe he is dead...  It is the most horrific thing I have ever had to face...  God, I miss him so much...