Victim and survivor

I'm reading Resurrection After Rape and the first journal activity is, what is the difference between a victim and a survivor. A victim is someone who is living in the trauma, it has taken up their whole world. A survivor is someone who is able to look at the trauma as something really bad that happened to them. Its so hard to get out of the victim trap, it feels safer if you just don't trust anyone. But I have goals, and dreams and all that negativity keeps me down. I'm working really hard to get rid of the victim mentality and hopefully this will do it, wish me luck. The victim mentality has ruined alot of friendships and relationships for me. I have trouble getting out of my head sometimes it was really bad when I was younger. How do you let go a trauma so perverse? How do I ever rejoin the rest of the world? I used to be something else, I could have been out of this world. Then that happened and I let the couch swallow me up. I balloned. size 24 in middle school but no one did a thing about it. Had few friends, sat on my ass all summer. barely went to class. barely did homework. had no one to talk to. They can all kiss my ass i'm gonna get better and finish my book and be mega rich and they're gonna die with envy and i'm gonna rub it in their faces, and i'm gonna have a surgate family i'm gonna rub all up in their faces along with all my money and they can't have none.
I think to really go from victim to survivor you need a satisfing conclusion. But I can't have justice. I can't have them beat up. Don't believe in brujeria.