Very Rough Time
Is like a yo-yo. I go back and forth repeatedly. I get some more things sorted and tossed-- I spent some time when neighbors did come to check on me and chat-- I get a reprieve and all is ok. Did have a ton of phone calls. Did them in stages-- today had some with not much progress so frustration did set in. Just got the death certificates to deliver-- still have to choose the option for his assets (and want to add mine to what is left of the portfolio.) Need work to the house (some of which my BIL has been nice enough to offer to help with)-- want to settle last 2 debts .
There is just so much to do and forms and claims that are confusing as hell. More to learn and handle on my own. And yes, don't worry I will-- always have. Just tired of doing it all alone.
There are times when I get tired and upset-- so I come on DS--- but usually noone is around. Then I go on to call a friend (or sister -in- laws).Unfortunately, there are times when noone is around. I am reminded the world goes on (but right now it does not feel like mine does.) When left with quiet and too much time to think-- that is what I do. So the other night it became so painfully clear that he is gone for good and I am left with an incredible mess to clean up.
Earlier today I did take a break and came on. Reread some of the old posts on my different groups. Some were on sexless marriage, some on healthy relationships, sex. Saw so many couples who had affection and intimacy and were handling things without sex because they had everything else. Again I was reminded that for a very long time,I didn't have that. Now at this stage I think twice-- my choices -- remaining so empty and alone-- taking a chance and winding up used and abused-- or maybe just maybe taking a risk and finding someone who does make me happy as I would him. Before everybody tells me-- I am getting too far ahead of myself and sounding needy -- I do know I can survive alone and eventually handle things (Probably why I am being thrown this challenge -- to remind myself what I am capable of) It just breaks my heart to think I have so much to give and nowhere to give it.
So tired of feeling isolated and alone. Again- what started as a good day has regressed and again I am in tears. So very tired of this.
Replies
hugs my friend, take it easy. Things will get done. It takes time. Curl up and have a nice nap. I know that you want things done and out of the way. I am the same way. Hate having to look at the same thing days in and days out. Do what you can when you can. Please be gentle with yourself. You can do it. Sort them by priority.
sorry to hear about what you are going though. You strike me as a very strong person who is full of life. I believe you can get through this and things will get better. Sorry you don't have more help dealing with all the paperwork and things. I'm glad your brother in law is there to help some. I agree with Mary that maybe some sleep would be in order and being gentle with yourself too. I know that feeling of having something to give and no one to give it to. Hopefully, that someone will come along soon. In the mean time, take good care of yourself. hugs, wendy
Hugs Kim.
I think that’s wise to consider that you are being given this challenge. You were going to face some big changes with the divorce so maybe this is better for you to deal with in some ways? There’s a quote from Tao te Ching that took me most of my life to get: ‘make small the big.’ Consider the big picture but put the effort into the details. Whittle away at the mountain to make a hill. Like making calls or decoding a form. Once done it’s done. On to the next. Hugs.
So sorry to hear you are struggling. You have been through quite a bit in the last little bit. Take a deep breath and take things one day at a time. You are a strong woman and things will work out in time. I’m sorry I can’t be online more often to help out when you need someone. Please leave me a message when you need to chat and I will get back to you ASAP.
Hugs my friend, Kim
She’s right Kim. I check in but usually don’t have time. If you send a message I will get back too. Even a simple help:)
hey Kim do you work too? or no?
it is a lot....and as was said perhaps better than a divorce.....have the house now and if you only have two bills to get paid up your in pretty good shape.....hugs from the guy who had been broke all his life got money and is still broke....but now I am a little bit better off too.....
as for sexual stuff....start checking into meetup.com for singles groups with activities to join in and have a little fun and maybe a fling when it is right time to do so.....hugs
I remember all the stuff I faced when my husband died. But each thing you finish is off your list, never to be faced again. At one time when I was feeling overwhelmed with too much to do, instead of making a to-do list, I made a done list. Whenever I finished something, I wrote it down. At the end of the day it was astonishing how much I had accomplished. Maybe that would make you feel better. You are whittling away at the mountain, and one day it will be gone. I found lots of prayer and taking time to read my Bible was also very comforting. God bless you--you WILL get through this.
Take things one day at a time. You have a whole life ahead of you. Process feelings and tasks in the short term. We are all here for you.
Great advise by all the above. Nothing I can add other than I'm here for support
Kim, we are all rooting form you. You are a strong person facing a huge challenge. I really like the idea of the "Done" list. Do one major thing at a time or a small block of small things, celebrate the accomplishment and take a well deserved break. There is so much to do but it cannot be done all at once. Chip away at the iceberg. In that way I am thinking back to when I was 16 and my Dad died [massive heart attack] and how strong my Mom was.
As for moving onward, when you are ready, definitely move forward but be selective. You are a very attractive lady with a lot to offer. Don't settle for just anyone. For a while you might want to play the field, date and explore the single life without ties. Prioritize safety. Over time you will meet the ideal guy to create a lasting relationship.
I would make a list of each thing that came up that needed to be done and after the list was tentatively completed, I would prioritize each one by placing a number next to each one in order of importance with number one being the most important and so on. and so forth.
Then after I completed the first, I would reward myself by sitting down in my recliner with my laptop, and a cup of coffee, (which I am doing right now, by the way) and do some surfing before going on to the next.
Knowing I have that coffee and that break to look forward to, is my motivation for completing that first task on the list. That's how I trick my brain into being happy while getting work done.
It's clever and it works.
Good luck