Very excited!

I am so happy that my husband was able to get his computer whiz co-worker to improve the quality of a video we'll be showing to our parents and students for the program in a little over a week.  We had to edit a section - otherwise I guess we could have played the DVD.  
Now all I have to do is concentrate on practicing more.  I don't know why I'm still not motivated to do so, but maybe because I know I have some car time next week when I will not have any distractions.  I'm traveling to our state capital to accept a PTA Helping Hands Award and it's going to take a few hours to get there.  
As far as T is concerned - on the surface he seems to be doing rather well - choosing constructive things to do and is much more respectful.  I'm glad we went to see the counselor because he gave me "permission" not to focus so much on trying to do the "right thing".  I know it sounds strange but, perhaps I was going a bit overboard.  I was so afraid that we were falling into enabling behaviors that it was doing more harm than good.  I feel more at peace than I have in a long time.  And it shows in my son.  And as far as his life situation - not going to school, not working - the counselor reminded us that he's a 14 year old in an 18 year old body.  He, basically, suggested that we hand hold him right now.  Lower our expectations and guide him along because he's not able to.  And all these years - when we tried to explain to his teachers that what they are asking of him is overwhelming and he's not capable - they were iritated.  One teacher called him lazy and said that he should be getting A's in her class.  Clueless.  What a stupid thing to say.  Of course - if he was capable, he would.  She never witnessed us trying to work with him at home on homework!  I wish I would have spoken up more on that department.  He couldn't sit for any length of time and would get very tired and spent. It was so painful and stressful.  I believe it ruined our relationship with him then. In my heart of hearts - I believe that was why he started using drugs.  In fact, a recent study conducted by the Partnership for a Drug Free America indicated that the number one reason kids start trying drugs is due to school stress.  We shared this with the parents and school in our program last fall.  I'm not sure if there's any connection, but I saw on our school district website that the topic for the latest wellness program the kids received was stress and how to deal with it.  How about sharing this with the teachers and parents? We felt their stress and passed it on to our child.  

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Wondered what you\'ve been up to lately. Now I know! Sounds so exciting about the PTA award! Congratulations!!!! I, too, can relate to all the hassle and heartache for M. struggling through school and clueless teachers. I agree that being \"labeled\" and struggling was a big factor in driving her to drugs. Believe me, I am definitely advocating NOT labeling kids. It\'s a stigma they live with throughout school and peers can be so cruel. Alot of this came out in therapy during her year at residential. Anyway, she signed herself up to take the GED Pre-test, and took it on Weds. after being in school all day. The test was 4 hours long! 4:30pm-8:30pm. I was so proud of her for doing it. Hopefully she did well, and if not, well she can continue her studies. We hear back soon about her test results. She feels she did well. I was sending little prayers up for her the whole time she was testing. Good luck on your travels! You have received an awesome award and I am so happy for you!! Love, D.
deleted_user
deleted_user

It makes sense to me that kids with learning issues turn to drugs to escape the stress they feel/to cope. However, by a long shot, it\'s not the majority of the kids....in hindsight, I do not believe that your emphasis on helping him to keep up with school was a contributing factor to his choices regarding substance use. I hope you will give yourself some \"slack\" and know that you did what you thought was best at the time; it was the right decision given what you knew. TAKE CARE, LOOK FORWARD!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Awesome! Congratulations!!
mom-of-3
mom-of-3

penpal - you\'re right it isn\'t the majority of the kids BUT there are still quite a few who\'ve said that that was the reason. Over 50% - of that 73% indicated that school stress was the number one reason. Out of a class of 200 - 73 kids chose school stress as the number one reason. So IT IS pretty significant. Some kids (from the other end of the spectrum) have tried drugs because of the highly competitive atmosphere in some schools. In fact, the student who tried to deliver heroin to my son a few years back (the girl I reported) was #3 in her class - headed to one of the Ivy league schools.