Very Dark place

In a very dark place right now. I just wish I could come up with a way to "go home" and still have the insurance pay Debbie. Maybe I just need to quit taking all my meds. Maybe that would cause my CAD to really block up. Maybe if I quit taking my BP meds my BP would go through the roof and I would have a massive stroke. ........Problem is I can't be sure that it would work......my luck I would just be a bigger burden. Maybe in a comma or just a vegitable.......that would not work........God please just call me home...............