very angry

shit not sure why iam angry  but iam angry at everything hate what i have done to myself have ruin myself and that hurts so bad dont know or understand what the hell i have ddone just why didnt look after myself better well paying for it now how stupid iam look at what iam missing out on my whole life has gone down the drain not sure if i like the new me just not sure of to much but pissed off at not beeing able to do things i love like walk my dog play netball ride my bike walk and just go to the toliet like normal people and shower sometimes get real angry at that sometimes feel like a waste of space  jusst want to be normal