Very Alone Today..
I'm all messed up!! Nothing new..lol I just would really like some balance in my life right now..between Work, Music and family/friends...and of course, my head. I am not sure how i feel today, to be honest im pretty numbed up. I'm scaring myself a bit recently...since my ex wife and her new BF ended there relationship...i've been feeling alot better I now know that she didnt leave me for another man..because she did not come running back to me. Now...the last two day's to be honest with you have been fantastic as soon as i leave the office...my ex texted me Sunday just seeing how I was.....we started back and forth for awhile very friendly...for the first time in awhile..god how I have missed her friendship, her smell, the feel of her close. I am worried, worried that I am setting myself up again for more hurt. or prolonging my current hurt to know I am not in her heart anymore...not in a Man and Wife way. I went to her place to see my baby (My dog) and we talked a bit...hung out...laughed and sigh...i honestly think im falling in love with her all over again. I'm really struggling with the fact that I didnt notice this a few months ago, thats all i needed.... i was a few months off. So we decided to watch a movie Sunday.....she ended up falling asleep on me...i just sat there and watch her sleep for..along time. Thought about how much i care for her and wish i would have shown her when i had the chance. I kissed her forehead g'night..and went home. So Monday...she texts me again...asking me about how much money she owes me. Anyway....i ended up using the "go see the dog excuse" again....and we decided to watch another movie...this time in bed, like we used too. She began to fall asleep..so i started playing with her hair..more out of habit then anything eles...always put er right now. I guess while she was falling asleep she turned around and snuggled her head into my chest...it's very strange but I felt like a kid again, like we were dating...all these emotions..the butterfly's..I swear i think im seeing her in a totally new light..and i love that......BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT.................................................................. She no longer loves me =(