Very Alone Today..

I'm all messed up!! Nothing new..lol I just would really like some balance in my life right now..between Work, Music and family/friends...and of course, my head. I am not sure how i feel today, to be honest im pretty numbed up. I'm scaring myself a bit recently...since my ex wife and her new BF ended there relationship...i've been feeling alot better I now know that she didnt leave me for another man..because she did not come running back to me. Now...the last two day's to be honest with you have been fantastic as soon as i leave the office...my ex texted me Sunday just seeing how I was.....we started back and forth for awhile very friendly...for the first time in awhile..god how I have missed her friendship, her smell, the feel of her close. I am worried, worried that I am setting myself up again for more hurt. or prolonging my current hurt to know I am not in her heart anymore...not in a Man and Wife way. I went to her place to see my baby (My dog) and we talked a bit...hung out...laughed and sigh...i honestly think im falling in love with her all over again. I'm really struggling with the fact that I didnt notice this a few months ago, thats all i needed.... i was a few months off. So we decided to watch a movie Sunday.....she ended up falling asleep on me...i just sat there and watch her sleep for..along time. Thought about how much i care for her and wish i would have shown her when i had the chance. I kissed her forehead g'night..and went home. So Monday...she texts me again...asking me about how much money she owes me. Anyway....i ended up using the "go see the dog excuse" again....and we decided to watch another movie...this time in bed, like we used too. She began to fall asleep..so i started playing with her hair..more out of habit then anything eles...always put er right now. I guess while she was falling asleep she turned around and snuggled her head into my chest...it's very strange but I felt like a kid again, like we were dating...all these emotions..the butterfly's..I swear i think im seeing her in a totally new light..and i love that......BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT.................................................................. She no longer loves me =(  

Replies

NotReady2BackDown
NotReady2BackDown

hun everything you have done I have. only i use the \"let me bring you your mail\" excuse, in fact i did that today before work. and guess what? I REGRET IT!! for me all he does it hurt me, or make me feel like im a whore for him (he tries to get me in bed..but i dont let it go there) but like you i want that feeling of someone wanting me again, but i know its not him. maybe you and her are better off friends? maybe your better off building a friendship again then maybe something happening. Either way if you and her get back together down the road or you get with someone else use what happened as a learning tool to take with you with whoever your with next. *HUGS* your not alone ok.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I can so see myself going there if given the chance. I can also see the same exact ending though... more topping off the pain. Since you have feelings for her, if they are definitely not reciprocal you\'re better off with no-contact until they die down completely. This is what I tell myself I\'ll need to do anyway. Hang in there, I know how hard this is.