venting the stress.....
I'm kind of regretting telling anyone about this pregnancy. I was so ecstatic the first day I could barely stop myself from bouncing around like a 9 year old on a sugar high, but now I'm avoiding answering my phone. I'm not ready for everyone to be talking to me about baby names and morning sickness and labor and delivery. I'm just trying to get through each day one at a time.
They just don't get it. To them, what happened to my beautiful Sophia was a freak accident, maybe she was "sick" or "it just wasn't meant to be" which pisses me off in the first place but now it's like they want me to pretend I still live in a world like theirs where babies don't die and bad things don't happen to good people. Well, guess what, THEY DO. I know, I sound jaded and rude but I do feel this way. So far I have told my parents, four of my best friends, the only ones who have stuck it out with me after losing Sophia, and my boyfriend. I told my friends because I know when I say "please let's just not talk about this" or tell them I'm angry at God or I'm scared out of my twisted little mind that they will respect it and listen. They won't tell me stupid cliches or tell me I'm wrong. They'll just listen.
I really wish I could tell my sister and get my baby play pen back from her and maybe just talk about this. But her boyfriend is one of those over controlling guys who won't even let her walk to the store without permission so I feel like she's completely isolated from me. And even then she will be really happy for me and tell everyone and won't listen when I'm stressing out about this. It's stupid that that's a bad thing, for her to be happy, but it is kind of. She's had two healthy pregnancies despite a lot of things, she doesn't understand and also there's still a lot of hurt after the way she acted when I lost Sophia.
I don't have much of a family, we have had more than our share of problems with one another. But we made up. I have one sister, my mom, and my dad who are divorced. No aunts or uncles or anyone else. So when I was in the delivery room I wanted my mom and sister to be there to help. Sarah took off and left me there when I needed her most because her boyfriend wanted to go home and she missed my delivery.
She also showed up drunk to my baby's funeral and threw a fit because her ride got a flat tire and she had to wait a while longer to get to the funeral house. She made a mess in my nursery and took my baby's stroller because she was actually going to take off and leave me on the worst day of my life because she wasn't getting any attention. After that, she didn't even call me for months, or offer any support. I cried to her so bad once I fell on my knees sobbing and she just stared at me. like I was crazy. Sooo... obviously I'm still pretty pissed off at her. But I want to have a good relationship with her, I just don't know if I'm ready to tell her that I'm pregnant.
I wish this was easier! I can't believe I have to do this until almost July. Although if I'm honest I think I'm a little further along than these idiot doctors think.
They just don't get it. To them, what happened to my beautiful Sophia was a freak accident, maybe she was "sick" or "it just wasn't meant to be" which pisses me off in the first place but now it's like they want me to pretend I still live in a world like theirs where babies don't die and bad things don't happen to good people. Well, guess what, THEY DO. I know, I sound jaded and rude but I do feel this way. So far I have told my parents, four of my best friends, the only ones who have stuck it out with me after losing Sophia, and my boyfriend. I told my friends because I know when I say "please let's just not talk about this" or tell them I'm angry at God or I'm scared out of my twisted little mind that they will respect it and listen. They won't tell me stupid cliches or tell me I'm wrong. They'll just listen.
I really wish I could tell my sister and get my baby play pen back from her and maybe just talk about this. But her boyfriend is one of those over controlling guys who won't even let her walk to the store without permission so I feel like she's completely isolated from me. And even then she will be really happy for me and tell everyone and won't listen when I'm stressing out about this. It's stupid that that's a bad thing, for her to be happy, but it is kind of. She's had two healthy pregnancies despite a lot of things, she doesn't understand and also there's still a lot of hurt after the way she acted when I lost Sophia.
I don't have much of a family, we have had more than our share of problems with one another. But we made up. I have one sister, my mom, and my dad who are divorced. No aunts or uncles or anyone else. So when I was in the delivery room I wanted my mom and sister to be there to help. Sarah took off and left me there when I needed her most because her boyfriend wanted to go home and she missed my delivery.
She also showed up drunk to my baby's funeral and threw a fit because her ride got a flat tire and she had to wait a while longer to get to the funeral house. She made a mess in my nursery and took my baby's stroller because she was actually going to take off and leave me on the worst day of my life because she wasn't getting any attention. After that, she didn't even call me for months, or offer any support. I cried to her so bad once I fell on my knees sobbing and she just stared at me. like I was crazy. Sooo... obviously I'm still pretty pissed off at her. But I want to have a good relationship with her, I just don't know if I'm ready to tell her that I'm pregnant.
I wish this was easier! I can't believe I have to do this until almost July. Although if I'm honest I think I'm a little further along than these idiot doctors think.
Replies
Family has a tendency to let you down. I learned that when my local family did not have the decency to attend Annaya\'s Memorial Service. I simply wrote them off and do all alone.
Now that I am divorcing my has-been... I have pretty much had to build a shelf... It\'s been a hard week... but... I did survive. Now I must begin taking applications to see who will be the father of my rainbow.
Know that you have a family here who understands what you are going through. You can lean on us for support.
Don\'t worry about what you gave away.. those items belonged to an angel... when the time comes you will have all you need. All you have to do is ask.
Many hugs, much love and rainbows!!!
Nneka