Venting - MIL is driving me nuts
I'm boiling inside wanting to throw my coffee cup against the wall because I'm so angry. Let me say this anger has been building and I find that the anger I still have inside of me from the A does affect how welll I deal with day to day upsets. Right now I'm feeling pissed/hurt about the A but I'm dealing with it and know it will pass as soon as my period (sorry TMI).
Now for the real issue, my H's family is really bad about planning anything and always waits to the last minute to plan get togethers. I'm a planner so this drives me nuts. They won't commit when I bring it up saying "Oh we have time" . They are also avoiders so all of these things are triggers for my H's past behavior. I can understand now why he is the way he is, too bad it took an A for my H to finally open up. I thought he did in the past so I was surprised when I heard all of these new emotions and you know what now I can see things so clearly.
Anyway, my BIL is turning 50 next month on the 11th and we are having a 50th bday party for him at a restaurant (just immediate family), which my MIL railroaded me into agreeing to split 3 ways. (That's another story). Now I find out that my MIL wants to have a family party with her, my family and my BIL's family the weekend before the party on the 4th and then on his actual bday the 8th she wants just the adults to go to lunch.
I spoke to my SIL today and she said to let her know what works for us and that lunch isn't a big deal and neither is the family bday party on the 4th. She did say that on the 4th they could come to my house to see my kids play basketball that afternoon and if we wanted to dinner down here that would be fine with them. I told her I would check and get back to her.
A half hour passes and my MIL (she's 81) calls to tell me, not ask me but tell me that we are having the party at her house on the 4th and my H had better make sure he's not going into the city on the 8th because we are going to lunch and that my daughter should make the cake for BIL's birthday. I'm pissed at this point but trying to be tactful so I point out to her that I told SIL that I would get back to her. I also pointed out that it didn't make sense to drive an hour away to her house for dinner when we could just do something here.
My H says, "See this is what I've had to put up with my whole life". His mother has been the prima donna and nobody has ever really stood up to her. It's just easier to give in.
This is what happened at Christmas too. She knew we were busy the week in between and were trying to get together with BIL the following week and she was ok with it and then she got home after spending Christmas with us and pretty much bullied her way and jerked us around all week. She made chicken parm for dinner before it was finalized and then got pissed off because we all couldn't do dinner but lunch. Her reply was "I don't do lunch, your going to have to order out." Give me a break we couldn't eat the chicken parm for lunch. I'm so pissed as I type this.
Ahhh, I have to say journaling works ..... as I typed how pissed I am I have to say I could feel the anger leaving me at least for the moment and that's all I can ask.
Thank you ahead of time to anyone that reads this long winded rant.
Now for the real issue, my H's family is really bad about planning anything and always waits to the last minute to plan get togethers. I'm a planner so this drives me nuts. They won't commit when I bring it up saying "Oh we have time" . They are also avoiders so all of these things are triggers for my H's past behavior. I can understand now why he is the way he is, too bad it took an A for my H to finally open up. I thought he did in the past so I was surprised when I heard all of these new emotions and you know what now I can see things so clearly.
Anyway, my BIL is turning 50 next month on the 11th and we are having a 50th bday party for him at a restaurant (just immediate family), which my MIL railroaded me into agreeing to split 3 ways. (That's another story). Now I find out that my MIL wants to have a family party with her, my family and my BIL's family the weekend before the party on the 4th and then on his actual bday the 8th she wants just the adults to go to lunch.
I spoke to my SIL today and she said to let her know what works for us and that lunch isn't a big deal and neither is the family bday party on the 4th. She did say that on the 4th they could come to my house to see my kids play basketball that afternoon and if we wanted to dinner down here that would be fine with them. I told her I would check and get back to her.
A half hour passes and my MIL (she's 81) calls to tell me, not ask me but tell me that we are having the party at her house on the 4th and my H had better make sure he's not going into the city on the 8th because we are going to lunch and that my daughter should make the cake for BIL's birthday. I'm pissed at this point but trying to be tactful so I point out to her that I told SIL that I would get back to her. I also pointed out that it didn't make sense to drive an hour away to her house for dinner when we could just do something here.
My H says, "See this is what I've had to put up with my whole life". His mother has been the prima donna and nobody has ever really stood up to her. It's just easier to give in.
This is what happened at Christmas too. She knew we were busy the week in between and were trying to get together with BIL the following week and she was ok with it and then she got home after spending Christmas with us and pretty much bullied her way and jerked us around all week. She made chicken parm for dinner before it was finalized and then got pissed off because we all couldn't do dinner but lunch. Her reply was "I don't do lunch, your going to have to order out." Give me a break we couldn't eat the chicken parm for lunch. I'm so pissed as I type this.
Ahhh, I have to say journaling works ..... as I typed how pissed I am I have to say I could feel the anger leaving me at least for the moment and that's all I can ask.
Thank you ahead of time to anyone that reads this long winded rant.
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