Vent!!
Uuurrrggg, this is so draining!!
Since I looked into Covert Narcissism, I'm scared!!! He ticks all the boxes and I'm finding it hard to except! My head is telling me this man has issues but my heart keeps telling me maybe I'm over reacting.
He says he hates it when we argue but he doesn't do or say anything to try make things better, I don't understand him!!
No effort on his part, nothing! He waits for me to run after him, it's a game in his head to see how long I can tolerate his moody silent treatment and it's SO HARD for me because I HATE the tension!
Replies
Sorry you are going through this. It sounds similar to what I experience which I dubbed “relationship chicken” to see who would back down first. I always lost if you were wondering.
When playing their game I found that everything I did or said was twisted and used against me. For me, the best solution was to kill them with kindness, give them no ground to stand on. Eventually you can make a case that you have done nothing wrong and they will have no ground to stand on. This is very emotionally draining though, and not necessarily a permanent solution.
It’s also not right that one member of the relationship needs to walk around on egg shells and smile while the other is a constant asshole.
I feel your pain.
I agree the kill them with kindness works but I just couldn't keep it up! I also found myself journaling events and arguments because he would always remember them differently and insist I was the one with the poor memory. This is also exhausting and no way to live. I wish I had better solutions for you but I currently feel like I myself am running out of options and frequently question as to why I am still married to this man. My best advice is to be strong and true to yourself. live your life the way you want as much as you can. Do things that make you feel strong, special and valued. Keep your self-esteem up and be your best self. That way it's so much easier to realize that it really is him and not you. Seriously do everything you can to stay happy and fulfilled because the other person may never change. It is when I allow him to make me doubt myself or think poorly of myself that things get worse. However my main problem is I feel the need to stand up for myself and have been in the habit of starting arguments because I so badly want him to stop and value me. I was so quiet and nonconfrontational during the first few years of our marriage. Now he says I am a volatile person he doesn't recognize. I say I am just someone who has grown tired and resentful of being his doormat. Sorry this isn't more encouraging. Hang in there
I was in a 20 month relationship with a covert narcissist. Once you are sure they are a covert narcissist and once you experience their bad behaviour, best to leave quickly. Before you do, let them know what they are. Tell them how you feel and tell them that you won't be back, then make sure you stay away and get on with your life. Ignoring their bad behaviour is only letting them off. Be strong and confront then leave. They'll never change.