Validation

I am no sure if anyone reads this and if so ...who?  But here it goes. I am a senior citizen, 62 years old. I have Major Depressive Disorder as well as Fibromyalgia, and DDD. I have been hospitalized twice for attempted suicide, been in and out of therapy and have been on antidepressants constantly now for about 15 years. I am very non- competitive and non -confrontational. My self esteem is horrible and I am in constant internal turmoil.  Today, I woke up as I do every almost morning hurting inside mentally and physically and in tears.
I do NOT want to be labeled a Drama Queen or Psyco or anything for that matter. Therefore, I do not speak about my thoughts of hurt and persecution but they just won't go away.
I have put myself "out there" recently to help an older sister out of a crisis and while I should feel good about being able to help, I don't.  Because I was berated and fought with during the care I was giving her I am now more depressed than ever and I so need to have these feelings and my actions validated. So much has happened in my life and I have many regrets but I never regret anytime I have done something for someone out of the kindness of my heart no matter how it turns out.  I just need to have someone tell me how to stop setting myself up for pain. Thanks for listening ,.
Lynda