validated
I almost cancelled our counseling session because I really couldn't think of anything to say - thinking we said it all before. And we're closer to being on the same page.
Well -- I'm glad we went because it was helpful and only strengthened my resolve. Even after all this time and all that I've been through you'd think I wouldn't still be second guessing myself regarding my son. I feel better because the counselor does understand because he has an 18 year old addict son and told me that the way I WANTED to handle a particular situation was right. Even though I didn't handle it the way I thought I should have, it's good to know that for the future to stick with it.
Part of it is my own insecurities, but add my husband's comments to the mix like "You're always negative or looking for something, and this and that" making me feel as if I'm always out to get my son - "looking for trouble" etc - I then back down - give up - pretend everything is "fine" and look more on the positive side of things rather than be the parent and do the tough stuff. So between my doubts and my husband feeding into them - make it rather difficult to parent a rather difficult, high maintenance kid!
Well, just as things were wrapping up and I started feeling like we're at a better place - closer than we've ever been to being on the right page, my husband started repeating what he had said earlier over and over again. I'm thinking "Didn't you say that same thing a few times already"? It was like beating a dead horse. I swear he just wanted t hear himself talk - so much so that he was interrupting me, too. I'm normally not irritated by him but he seemed to have some kind of chip on his shoulder.
Then, when I felt it was over and time to go, he starts in in his condescending way to me "Please don't take offense to this, but you have a tendency to spend too much time talking to your friends about the drug stuff" (actually I had lunch with a friend whose son recently relapsed too so of course I'm going to mention it but the main reason was to ask her to help me with my advocacy "stuff"). Well - that upset me because, not only did he exaggerate, he made me feel like I was a maniac obsessed with "looking for drug things". Actually, I don't do it enough AND I think we need to be aware of our situation. Well - that was when I was ready to walk out. "I'm done". The counselor asked me to sit back down and asked me what upset me. I told him that my husband isn't listening to me and I don't like the way he talks to me. Well - the counselor (thank you very much) kindly told my husband that he needs to support me more. He also said that when our son is disrespectful, he needs to step up to plate and talk to my son. T-Man has been doing this for so long because I am the mom with no power and little backup so it is a relief coming from the counselor because my husband doesn't always respond to my requests.
As strange as it sounds - things are great otherwise.
Well -- I'm glad we went because it was helpful and only strengthened my resolve. Even after all this time and all that I've been through you'd think I wouldn't still be second guessing myself regarding my son. I feel better because the counselor does understand because he has an 18 year old addict son and told me that the way I WANTED to handle a particular situation was right. Even though I didn't handle it the way I thought I should have, it's good to know that for the future to stick with it.
Part of it is my own insecurities, but add my husband's comments to the mix like "You're always negative or looking for something, and this and that" making me feel as if I'm always out to get my son - "looking for trouble" etc - I then back down - give up - pretend everything is "fine" and look more on the positive side of things rather than be the parent and do the tough stuff. So between my doubts and my husband feeding into them - make it rather difficult to parent a rather difficult, high maintenance kid!
Well, just as things were wrapping up and I started feeling like we're at a better place - closer than we've ever been to being on the right page, my husband started repeating what he had said earlier over and over again. I'm thinking "Didn't you say that same thing a few times already"? It was like beating a dead horse. I swear he just wanted t hear himself talk - so much so that he was interrupting me, too. I'm normally not irritated by him but he seemed to have some kind of chip on his shoulder.
Then, when I felt it was over and time to go, he starts in in his condescending way to me "Please don't take offense to this, but you have a tendency to spend too much time talking to your friends about the drug stuff" (actually I had lunch with a friend whose son recently relapsed too so of course I'm going to mention it but the main reason was to ask her to help me with my advocacy "stuff"). Well - that upset me because, not only did he exaggerate, he made me feel like I was a maniac obsessed with "looking for drug things". Actually, I don't do it enough AND I think we need to be aware of our situation. Well - that was when I was ready to walk out. "I'm done". The counselor asked me to sit back down and asked me what upset me. I told him that my husband isn't listening to me and I don't like the way he talks to me. Well - the counselor (thank you very much) kindly told my husband that he needs to support me more. He also said that when our son is disrespectful, he needs to step up to plate and talk to my son. T-Man has been doing this for so long because I am the mom with no power and little backup so it is a relief coming from the counselor because my husband doesn't always respond to my requests.
As strange as it sounds - things are great otherwise.
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