Valentine's Changes People, but For How Long?
This journal is just my opinion because of what happened to @veggiequeen and me. (I hope you don't mind me using your day as an example, Kim. If so, I apologize) Kim's stbx got angry with her, but sent flowers to her work place to apologize. I don't think he ever did that before. He also wanted to know what they were going to do to celebrate the day. Kim wasn"t to excited it about it, but suggested calling out for Chinese. It sounded good to him, but Kim had to call in the order and pick it up herself. He said "those words", but they meant nothing. The only good thing was an enjoyable meal and peace between them.
My wife started acting different on the 13th. Our oldest granddaughter, who is 10, had a choir concert that night. 2 performances ( 6pm and 8pm). You had to buy tickets to attend. It was a concert of "Love songs" for Valentine's Day. I offered to take my granddaughter so she could be there at 4:45 rehearsal and I would buy 3 tickets for my wife, daughter who had major surgery the day before, and my other granddaughter for the 6 pm performance and one for myself for the 8pm performance with the purpose of getting my daughter home to rest and I would bring my granddaughter home after the concert was over. I waited for the three to arrive and showed them to their seats. After the concert, the three sought me out to thank me for getting them tickets. My wife loved the concert and said how she wished I could have sat next to her. I asked why. With a disappointed look she said, because the love songs were so neat and I would have liked you next to me. I said Oh, surprised that she said that.
On Valentine's Day, I got her flowers, that she liked, a card, a bottle of wine, which she liked, and I cooked supper, which she enjoyed. She never said anything about the card. There were no hugs, kisses or I love you's. She usually signs her cards to me with "All my love forever". She just said "Love". She was in a good mood. I wonder how long before the bitching and fighting starts up again. I really don't expect the niceness to last long. Maybe I'm wrong, but I doubt it. Was it the holiday of love or something else?
I'd love to hear your opinions.
Replies
Until we again are brave enough to open our mouths or speak our mind. All is still peaceful here at our place. he is extremely proud of the fact that he did make the effort to not only send the flowers, but had a very nice reminiscent message about when we first met (the 13th) and also the same words we had inscribed on our rings. included in the card. He has been telling me time and again that he truly does love me.
I am realizing that I do think he does but just as best he knows how . He also comes from a dysfunctional family and was the youngest and very spoiled (mom and 2 sisters to do all--- they did me no favors) To him (and many others), he is a good husband just for being faithful and not out catting around all the time.. His Dad wound up cheating and having two families when he was young so he will NEVER CHEAT.
I struggle with this because , for me, I am not getting what I need... some affection and help. But as long as I am quiet, all is good--- for him anyway. I do soon need to speak up--- just dread the drama.. :(
For you too, I think your wife does love you--- is just that their ideas and ours of what love does entail are very different. Her comment makes me think she does think of you and maybe is reminded what is missing? Is just that their efforts are not as we wish they would be.
Hugs to you... I know how you feel.
Gee Kim, I apologize for using you as an example of possibly our spouses acting a bit more loving because of Valentines Day. I feel kind of foolish. Your husband using the inscriptions from your wedding rings in his note and him telling you he truly loves you means a lot. His being true to you in spite of his dysfunctional family is remarkable, but I do believe it has affected him negatively in your relationship. I’m sorry that he doesn’t let you speak up and lacks to show physical affection. It has been proven that human beings need to be touched by other humans and it hurts even more when it’s not coming in the form of physical love (hugging, kissing, etc.) from the person we have given ourselves to. After thinking about what you said, my wife probably does love me, but things have changed a lot and I’m I feel lonely as do you.
Again, I apologize. (Open mouth ... insert foot)
Hugs! Bruce
Do not apologize--- It's all good. PS I do believe the big day of love does seem to soften them up a bit. (In his case, I do think he was trying to show me and everyone else that he DOES care... Just not enough to really listen) :(
Well, it only took three days for my wife to start returning to her old self. She has become distant again and we don't talk much. The whinning is starting to come back, but fortunately the bitching hasn't returned .... yet. I just crawl back into my shell and keep to myself and resume my place as #10. :(
I know all too well how it goes--- stbx is perfectly content since I have said little or rocked the boat--- yet.