Vacay Trust
As I have sorted through my anxieties over the upcoming Spring Break visitation, the standard response has been to enjoy the vacation from childcare duties. This brought me face to face with just how different the start of this second parenting career is from the first parenting career. In that first career, breaks from childcare duties were mana from heavan. I got my first such break when my eldest child was 7 months old and embracing the vacation was as easy as falling off a log. This second parenting career, with it's atypical triple birth of 3 different age children isnae yet 7 months old. It launched from the death of a middle aged son. The son's in-laws who are taking the children have been antagonistic in the extreme. Zero love or respect to set precedent for the alleged vacation from childcare duties next week. The folks quote Facebook often enough that I suspect I could read their putdowns of the week in the Ex-forums. I amnae curious enough to look, but 100% of the precedent to date points toward further antagonism and muck slinging. Can you at least buy me dinner before you fuck me, baby? I feel stranger raped. I didn't stand before an official to say, "I do" before the traditional STBX waltz began. I didn't **ask** for any of this. What the fuck are grandparents-in-law doing an STBX waltz for, in the first place? Shouldn't we be united by the deaths of our respective middle-aged-children? Where is all this muck-slinging coming from? Can we at least have a gesture of gratitude for the fact that we paid for both the wedding and the funeral? Congratulations on showing up on time for the funeral, but. . . The lawsuit lotto was already underway by the time of the funeral. Appearances are everything in lawsuit lotto.
Dunno. . . I am reaching for the trust to embrace the vacay spirit of a week free of childcare duties, buttttttaaaaa. . . It isnae going well. I feel like I am waiting to see which devil dominates: Explaining a no-show to disappointed children or opening our home to an exly muck-gathering mission. There is another court date this coming Friday. This court date is to review the potentials of moving the orphans from the Foster Care department to Adoptions. I am grateful this one is happening before the visitation adds more weaponry to their snipe forces. Maybe. My angst over being demoted from Gammy to Mom remains considerable. This Friday could be my opportunity to let the other grandparents *win*.
Sorting. . . Again I leave the mood icon on the rapid-cycling median.
Replies
So sorry that the other grandparents are so difficult, arfie. You're right to wonder why they wouldn't have been driven to unite with you in this tragedy instead. But I learned on the job as an ER hospital chaplain in Chicago folks respond beautifully to tragedy at times, while others respond in petty and ugly ways. There's no explaining it. Unfortunately, when tragedy came to my own extended family, they responded in the latter fashion, so I've been in the position of wondering what you're wondering here, too. It's natural for you to dread what might go on when the other grandparents take their turn with child care next week. Hopefully, Friday's court date will go well and tangible progress will be made in the process of sorting out the children's future family status.
I can't imagine why the Ex In Laws would be late/no show in picking up GK's and then expect to win in court. Anyone could look at this and see they aren't doing what's in the best interest of the children. People don't realize that Facebook will haunt them based on what they post. If they have posted anything bad this could be used in court. But, it sounds like you might be way passed that. Just document everything. Not to mention the psychological trauma it puts on the kids when they don't show up. It is understandable you would be taking on the Mom role right now. You weren't prepared for it and never saw it coming. Hugs and prayers for Peace Arfie.
Big hug for you Arf….. What they're doing amounts to parental alienation and I would have the lawyer (if you're using one) or yourself make this a condition for both sides.... No trash talking the other grandparents at least to the children however also on any social media and I would take in examples.... You don't need to read this and the kids should never hear it
They need to knock it off..... I agree this is not in the best interest of the children.....
I hope that it goes really well for all concern Arf and you and your husband have a nice and peaceful week.....xo
My son's in-laws haven't been late since the funeral. They were already lawyered up by then. Donae know if they still are or ? ? ? I amnae sure I really care. G.O.D.'s leading this dance on my side of the dance floor. Gnarly Old Dickhead's will be done.
I'm still responding to the other grandparent lawsuit as I have all the other housing project lawyers in my own family tree when they have played lawsuit lotto with me. Three generations of welfare dependents descended from 10 child sex trafficking survivors have given me ALLOT of practice and I have yet to hire a lawyer for a single one of the suits. Every single one of them backed off when I said, "Bring it on, cupcake. See you and your lawyer in court for as long as you can afford the legal bills." We still havenae a civil defense lawyer on our payroll. If the Gnarly Old Dickhead wants them to win, I be okay with going back to being a Gma. I didnae ask to be demoted to "Mom" in the first place.
Just finished a session with the CPS worker who is overseeing the transition from foster care to adoption. She thinks I need to suck it up and take the demotion; that the our son's in-laws are already off the court docket. One step forward, two steps back. Is that the Foxtrot?
I miss being a grandmother. . .
I also talked to an adult therapist at the clinic where the GK's have been in grief counseling since the parental funeral. The phone interview went well. We will meet in two weeks. We see what grows.