Vacation Planning
Perhaps the most senseless part of the contractor fiasco was the two family visits I cancelled for the sake of the contractor's broken promises. Stewing in the loneliness of missing my family while watching the days/weeks/months tick by with zero progress leaking through his stonewall was/is. . . Explain the wisdom of this, my stonewalling Sir. . . I am surely not getting it. Why am I sitting alone and lonely with nothing more than shovels full of bullshit to take the place of my family visit? Never mind. . . On my side of the stonewall, I am accepting that explanations arenae your strong suit. Your reasons are your own to sort.
That family visit is now my top priority. I have the list of numbers I will start calling later today or tomorrow to clean up the irresponsible mess in the back yard. That pile is downright unneighborly and my conscience won't let me leave it for the sake of my long-awaited family time.
The legal measures to guard against future toxic mysteries leaking through the stonewall remain the tougher surf. The Lawsuit Lotto flashbacks seem to be calming, but are still quite disruptive. Still stepping small and praying big.
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FWIW? From my side of things, if they don't want to sign a contract with details about dates and specifics about what is whose to do? That's almost as bad as when they ask cash payments. (Nope, sorry, this kitty cat ain't playing into that tangle. You want cash, you go elsewhere. I keep receipts and records. I annoy hell outta local contractors that way, save two, and each brings proper paperwork in triplicate even for a job as "small" as replacing a toilet. I "get" it. Lots of people will do a verbal or handshake agreement on a one-sheet estimate and let the hijinks begin from both sides, with no-shows or no-pays, or or or.... Thanks, I just wanted a toilet. For drama, I'll watch a movie.)
I hope you can get tot he family visit sooner rather than later, and if it's merely a matter of cleaning things out and away? The $ is a bit steep, but 1800GotJunk has never failed me, personally. They took away renovation stuff, attic-leftovers-from-previous-owner stuff, and swept up behind themselves to boot. So our local guys are great. No idea how they are in your area, but check out their ratings online, perhaps, if they're in the area? I hate to spend $ but to get things done and out of sight-mind? Well, I can't put ap rice on being able to get a decent sleep. Oddly enough, pest control services sometimes can refer you to people who'll take away the Unsightly Pile, since they work in tandem sometimes. (Pests and pesky piles go together.)
OK, enough sensible pragmatic you-already-know-this crap. I hate feeling helpless to help, so... Yeah.
Support and a candle is lit to help you find the way, whatever it is.
Thank you, Leo, for the hope that the family visit happens sooner rather than later. I'm a-hoping and a-praying. May the candle burn true.
Sensible pragmatism duly noted.
My ex usually found our contractors at the local bar.
Don't do the work...they lose a good bar to go to...
Hm-m-m-m. . . Does this explain the ex-factor?
Yes, and no.
He drank his way through the last year of our marriage, in part because of stress over my son's language/behavioral issues, to the point that when he moved out...the kids didn't notice that he'd left. I was drowning and we fought.
Our last weekend together we were all supposed to go up to the family camp for Labor Day. He didn't show up. But his brother, drunk and high on cocaine did. I found out when he woke me up kissing me as my five year old daughter lay sleeping on top of me. (Thankfully my daughter didn't wake up.) That was the weekend from hell.
I didn't tell him about his brother, but I did fight with him about not showing up. He decided to leave...and did. The next Christmas he was going to spend at his brother's house with the kids. Tore me up inside, but scared for my kids safety I told him about his brother. He reflected that he saw other out of control behavior about his brother and didn't take the kids there.
My daughter had been remembering more of her childhood. Mostly the fact that her dad was never there, and that I was. My kids love their dad and talk to him...but he's more like an uncle to them than a father. If he died tomorrow...they'd barely miss him. Sad, but true. That said, they actually have a good relationship with him and have it all in perspective. They, more than anyone, can see both their father and my faults and strengths. They're lucky to have us BOTH in their lives.
Last year he was out of work, and even stayed here for a couple of months. Went very well. We ate dinner and played board games, watched movies...that sort of thing.
So was the reason the drinking? The speech delay (complete with probably over a hundred trips to the principal's office)? The stress that I was under? His brother and outside stresses? The fact that our sex life completely fell apart in all of that?
During the marriage, I spent a lot of time trying to figure it out. After divorce, well my analogy was an old car. Once it's gone to the junk yard, does it matter what was broken?
(Karma. Which I NEVER wanted. I got. So he got diagnosed with diabetes the month after he left. Got into a relationship with a girl that drank. And thus...got to see what life was like from my side. He's admitted the divorce was a mistake. But life goes on. We really are like old friends now. Won't talk for years, and then can talk for 4 hours.)
Oh and the brother. I never told his wife (debated that a lot). Found out later that they both cheated on each other a lot. They're divorced now too.
Older sister Carolyn is now moved to Erie. So 3 of the 4 kids that used to live in the area are now gone.
While oldest brother Scott, who was once addicted to heroin, is now clean and back in the area and has a good relationship with his dad (first time in 50 years?) Life is strange. I'm beyond happy for Scott and my former FIL.
Yea, divorce drama is never simple, is it? I can only offer spectator sympathy on that one. No personal experience.
Continued support while you work it out. Life is, indeed, strange. . .
I’m glad you will get to go home for that visit soon. I will cross my fingers that the toxic pile clean up goes smoothly and fast. I still am impressed with your calm. Do you bottle and sell that? ;-)
At present, I am more worried about the legal safeguards than the toxic pile cleanup. I've worked on toxic cleanup crews. The job is more than I can do alone, but a small crew should be able to have it clear in a day or two. It often takes much longer to move a piece of paper from one bureaucratic desk to the next.
Calm? It might be more accurate to market my current state as, "High Voltage Regulation." Sold by the gigawatt. But. . . Before I find myself lost in metaphor again. . .
Thank you for the steadying support.
Hugs
Sounds like a big irritating mess. Hope it gets cleared up and the family visits. I am dealing with contractors here too, messy and slow and slow permits from the town, all the bureaucracy is a lot. Sorry, you are dealing with all of this Arfie. Support to you during this time
I will be the one going to visit the family. Want grand time. . . Want grand time. . .
My granddaughter (2) was barely walking the last time I saw her. Been skyping with her big brother (4) but it don't take the place of a flesh and blood bear hug.
Want grand time. . .
Grand time is a must, glad you are going to visit, good for you. They grow too fast and are so darn cute, medicine for the soul..will be just what you need. :)
Amen.