uygkl;oiujougy

purging for me has never really been about reducing stress. it's always been more about loosing weight, but with everything that is going on... doing years of growing up in a week it's all i can do to calm down. 
i fucked up. i know i did, and so now i'm paying for it. getting my licence, applying for every job- any job i can find. seeing doctors, paying bills, trying to go to school... i feel so heavy. i'll do anything to feel lighter.
in the end i know i'm just switching addictions. one day i'll go back to cutting, or i'll go bald from pulling again. it's all temporary, i know that. but i don't mind it. vomiting is by far the least wearying of my former vices. and best of all, it's not a problem i am forced to wear. no one knows, everyone thinks i'm normal. and that's all i can ask for. i just want to do this on my own, i don't want anyone to gawk or worry. i need something of my own. and for now, this is good.