Upside Down Life
I have yet to understand some people seem to breeze through life with hardly a bad day. Others seems no matter how they help others are hit the hardest with pain in their lives.
I would think most of us in this path fits in the second group. After all we would not be here if the worst of the worst had not happened to us. The loss of our child/children has brought us to a place our hearts wish we were not at. And probably most of us are the giving/care taking kind. Yet our lives have been caught in the Breeze and seems at times it just keeps on happening...yet we keep on going. And keep on giving no matter how we feel or how difficult it is to keep up going on.
when I lost Ken, I never felt I would not be crying day and night as it was for me for a long long time. I still cry. I still get sad, but it am somewhere between now. For sure where that somewhere is I am not sure.
At first I just wanted to die, find my son, hold him and never let him go. My heart felt as if it could not take another beat. Life became with nothing but my thoughts of Ken. Are my thoughts still with him, of course. Do I still feel sad at times, of course. Do I miss my son like I ALWAYS HAVE yes of course. But life has a way of moving us forward even if we don't think we will ever not feel the way we felt the day we knew our child was gone.
it is sad of course the pain can sometimes be overwhelming....yet as time passes we take our baby steps and somewhere along the way we see that we can start taking bigger steps again. Will we ever forget No. Will we cry at time. Yes. Will we hurt and will we always miss our babies yes always...but as hard as it was for me in the beginning to believe I could somehow start living again. I have and do I know the day yes. The 3rd year and something said to me you have to live.
Slowly, I begin picking myself up and doing things again.
but as life seems to hit some of us constantly, it is the good and bad maybe that keeps us going...
some of you know about my biopsy in my mouth. It came back okay, but still the area will not heal and my Oral Surgeon is totally confused. As this has been going on I have also been experiencing pain in my side and groin. I have been going to PT and started going to a Choirpractor also. The pain is making it almost impossible to walk. So the Choirpractor wanted my doctor to do a MRI or Cat Scan. As it turned out he did a Cat Scan. Turns out I have a mass on my colon yea yea! I go for a colon test the 15th
So now it is wait and see if it is cancer or not...
The reason I share this is when I lost Ken, I wanted to die...I just wanted to be with him...I still want to be with him but of course on my terms, but if your on this site you know things are not always on our terms..
When I first stared this path of pain, the loss of Ken, I never felt I would care what happened, but as life throws us the curves it also forces us to continue going forward.
Whether our situation that keeps us moving forward Good or Bad, we do continue to take Baby Steps and then they get larger and then we look back and see from where we started when we lost our child to what our future Is.
If your a new mom just starting this journey, my heart goes out to you. It is a terrible road that we have been placed on And it does seem nothing will ever matter anymore..it is hard to fathom being able to move forward
but as hard as it is to go forward, life has a way to move us.
love to each of you. I am sorry for your pain.. I hope someway peace can come to your hearts..
Thanks for the prayers and continue prayers as I wait for more results. Hopefully, whatever the problem is, the mass can be removed and help the pain and that the results will be a good outcome.
I would think most of us in this path fits in the second group. After all we would not be here if the worst of the worst had not happened to us. The loss of our child/children has brought us to a place our hearts wish we were not at. And probably most of us are the giving/care taking kind. Yet our lives have been caught in the Breeze and seems at times it just keeps on happening...yet we keep on going. And keep on giving no matter how we feel or how difficult it is to keep up going on.
when I lost Ken, I never felt I would not be crying day and night as it was for me for a long long time. I still cry. I still get sad, but it am somewhere between now. For sure where that somewhere is I am not sure.
At first I just wanted to die, find my son, hold him and never let him go. My heart felt as if it could not take another beat. Life became with nothing but my thoughts of Ken. Are my thoughts still with him, of course. Do I still feel sad at times, of course. Do I miss my son like I ALWAYS HAVE yes of course. But life has a way of moving us forward even if we don't think we will ever not feel the way we felt the day we knew our child was gone.
it is sad of course the pain can sometimes be overwhelming....yet as time passes we take our baby steps and somewhere along the way we see that we can start taking bigger steps again. Will we ever forget No. Will we cry at time. Yes. Will we hurt and will we always miss our babies yes always...but as hard as it was for me in the beginning to believe I could somehow start living again. I have and do I know the day yes. The 3rd year and something said to me you have to live.
Slowly, I begin picking myself up and doing things again.
but as life seems to hit some of us constantly, it is the good and bad maybe that keeps us going...
some of you know about my biopsy in my mouth. It came back okay, but still the area will not heal and my Oral Surgeon is totally confused. As this has been going on I have also been experiencing pain in my side and groin. I have been going to PT and started going to a Choirpractor also. The pain is making it almost impossible to walk. So the Choirpractor wanted my doctor to do a MRI or Cat Scan. As it turned out he did a Cat Scan. Turns out I have a mass on my colon yea yea! I go for a colon test the 15th
So now it is wait and see if it is cancer or not...
The reason I share this is when I lost Ken, I wanted to die...I just wanted to be with him...I still want to be with him but of course on my terms, but if your on this site you know things are not always on our terms..
When I first stared this path of pain, the loss of Ken, I never felt I would care what happened, but as life throws us the curves it also forces us to continue going forward.
Whether our situation that keeps us moving forward Good or Bad, we do continue to take Baby Steps and then they get larger and then we look back and see from where we started when we lost our child to what our future Is.
If your a new mom just starting this journey, my heart goes out to you. It is a terrible road that we have been placed on And it does seem nothing will ever matter anymore..it is hard to fathom being able to move forward
but as hard as it is to go forward, life has a way to move us.
love to each of you. I am sorry for your pain.. I hope someway peace can come to your hearts..
Thanks for the prayers and continue prayers as I wait for more results. Hopefully, whatever the problem is, the mass can be removed and help the pain and that the results will be a good outcome.
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