Ups & Downs

Well the other week we argued like mad and she threw some real vile comments my way. Of Cause next day she was sorry and wished she'd never said those things, promising never to repeat them again. I forgave her once more but I always have that nagging suspicion she'll let loose again some day. ...but who am I? I'm the one with the virus and yet she says she loves me, I'm her rock, best friend and soulmate. She's struggling with my condition but she won't discuss it, thinking it's best left alone and we should just get on with our lives. BUT life is not normal anymore, the passion has gone (at least the spontaneous side). Yes we kiss and cuddle but when it comes to the other she's scared but won't admit it. I know she's scared of catching it but how does one rationalise this condition? Sometimes I feel we're doomed and then ... This last weekend we had a great time, we laughed, loved and had some fantastic sex (protected) ...hell she even let go and had herself some fun ...I just love to please her and it makes me so happy when she has such a good time. Truthfully, I'm quite happy to go without and concentrate on her pleasure! I hope she'll forgive me for discussing our private lives on here but I'm sure you'll agree I've not gone into too fine a detail and it's all anonymous. Still I can't help feeling guilty for talking about my wife without her knowing ...am I wrong? I just need someone to bounce off and help me make a go of things and I know you're all supportive and wish us well. It's ok right now but I'm not sure we'll make it. Maybe she'll find another guy who's not HIV+ and I'll end up on my own. At least if it fails I can hold my hand on my heart and say I tried to make it work. I'll always love her though, whatever happens!