Ups & Downs

Sometimes I feel like an outsider to my own life, just watching from some other place besides inside myself.  So often I am aware of the ups and downs of my existence... it seems there are waves, like the ebb and flow of the ocean's tide... the water coming in, going out, coming in, going out.  As a woman, especially, I see these waves and often notice how they correlate with the changes in my hormones/cycles.  Someone once called it the "seasons" of a woman's month... spring (just after menstruating, mood lifts, spirits begin to improve), summer (the next week after spring, bounding energy, enthusiasm), fall (the week before menstruating, mood begins to falter, beginnings of fears & self-doubts, lower emotions, sometimes VERY low), then winter (week of menstruation, feel vulnerable, still low mood, but more physical exhaustion & weakness than anything).  Having PTSD is like being here but not being here, then these monthly changes effecting everything, it's been a lifetime of almost more than I've known how to handle, but it has helped to understand the ebb and flow of the tide... I wish I'd had a mother to help me understand all this and how to cope.  It's nice expressing my thoughts this way in Daily Strength : )