Ups and Downs
The MLK student holiday was a pretty stark contrast to the miraculous glow of Sunday. The elder siblings woke sniping one another like true warriors of the Gender Wars. Big Sis was armed with her manipulative tears and jeers while Big Bro angrily batoned his hatches and assembled his artilery for defense of His Room. He even tried to ban *me* from His Room, but. . . Sorry Charlie. Resistance is futile. You will be Gaminated, even in *your* room. There is a very solid reason your door doesnae have a lock on it. No, I didnae enlighten him to that last part. All in the fullness of time. . .
I was feeling the strain of Peacekeeping by the time Hubs punched out of his salaried gig and joined our ball games on the porch. Over-worked peacekeepers can get pretty snipey in their own rights. The chemistry change of Hubby's presence was an immeasurable relief. All's well that ends well, I s'pose. Gampy and the genderized siblings ended the day in the lego room with restful, bi-gender harmonies.
My Gam-sense believes the children are feeling guilty for finding happiness without Daddy and Mommy. Just a sense. Accurate data unavailable. The physical fact is that the elder sibs made it through the day without bloodshed. Baby Sis wasnae much affected by the sibilations. She seemed to shrug and baby-say, "Sibs will be sibs. Go figure. I got a life to discover."
Big Bro woke me during the early bewitching hours saying he was afraid of the dark. I opened the covers of the big bed and welcomed him in, then wallowed in envy for a bit as his gentle snores fell back to sleep rhythms almost immediately while I listened, unable to follow his restful example. Sigh. . . My morning meditations had a couple extra suduko puzzles in it this morning, along with a lightweight surf on Numerology. I stopped studying Numerology when it was identified as a part of my arithmomania, but I still peek in on occasion with the temptation to test if my arithmomania is healed far enough to remember I was once considered a math prodigy a few short decades ago. I still fear the addiction adage that one equation will be too many and a kajillion equations willnae be enough.
For now, it is nearly time to blow the whistle on the continuing morning calm. All aboard the school train. The porch construction here on the farm is far enough along that I hope to buy a test can of paint for the porch skirts after I finish the school run. Just hoping. . .
Replies
arfie, I agree with your Gam sense: "My Gam-sense believes the children are feeling guilty for finding happiness without Daddy and Mommy." Sometimes I've found that we folks who are recovering from a terrible loss take two steps forward but then one step back as if to "pay" for our making progress.
I agree with you Arfie & Muji.
Hugs and support. Glad that the dispute was settled and the GKs moved on to more peaceful activities.
So many of us feel guilt to actually be happy about something when we've lost someone we love..... Those people who are gone want us to be happy... It's a strange conundrum no matter the age huh?
I'm glad that your grandson felt the peace and safety that he needed to cuddle with you Arf…… Gentle hug and a blessing sweetie....xo
I havenae a doubt Daddy wants them to be happy, with or without him. Mommy was a deeply troubled and jealous woman who was very hard to know. I amnae quite so confident she would want them happy without her, but I am keeping those doubts to myself. Despite her bitter jealousy, I donae doubt she loved these children. Jealousy is a mean demon. Do we take it with us when we go?
No cuddling after Big Bro climbed into our big bed. I miss my cuddle bunny, but the big tough 6 year old has an image to maintain, even in his sleep. The little ones grow entirely too quickly.
I would sell my soul to have my son back. I, too, am feeling a bit guilty for being happy without him, even though I know he would chide me for it. Especially because I know he would chide me for it? I miss you, gentle son. Can you forgive me for not missing your wife? She was a heavy burden, both literally and figuratively. The pall bearers couldnae carry her coffin. They had to move it with a forklift.