Ups and Downs...
...this mo. has been a roller-coaster, emotionally...surgery did take for Mom, but now her pain has migrated to upper back and one hip..she is very depressed...sees others older than herself who can walk unaided and feels she's worthless because she can't walk like she used to...I'm trying to see the bright side of this, but because she can't, I'm having trouble, myself...Also, Mom's bad insomnia is back...that does nothing to help the pain/depression, either...tried talking to her about going to see someone in counseling, but can't get her enthused to go...before it got really hot, I suggested that she get outside for just 10 min. and get some air...she couldn't see the point, as she can no longer sit in the lawn chair, comfortably...I offered the dining room chair that she uses, but she said it had no arms & she didn't want aid in getting up...I wanted to cry for her...and, if I'm honest, for myself, too...she apologizes all the time for being "a wet blanket," but I have enough friends w/depression to know what I'm looking at...Dad got the results back fr. his doppler test on his leg pain...inconclusive, it seems, for PAD..however, my Dad clams up around med types...even tho he pays for all of the services, he doesn't ask questions, or get the prof. to repeat themselves....that's how much he dislikes talking to people...wow, what am I going to do, for the future? He'll be 70 in Sept. With that viewpoint, I don't think I have new ideas on getting the horse to water, so's he'll drink it, if you get my meaning..I am being audited for a 2nd time by the state unemployment folks--at the lovely hour of 4:00 P.M. (work traffic time)...I'm taking the bus...plus, I feel ashamed and embarassed...I can't tell these nice folks why I'm not working...wish I could...one of the work leads the org. gave me just came back w/another rejection letter...I want to give up, so bad...I just want to sit and cry...I just want to go to sleep and not wake up until I'm damned good and ready...I am so tired of trying...but, I don't dare show it...It's a full moon, tonight...normally, I'm one of those folks who feels good during a full moon...if the night is cloudless--regardless of the time of the year--it's just so beautiful in the sky...tonight, I just want to sit in the glow and wish that I was someone else...But, in spite of all that I've said, I want to THANK EVERYONE for their kind words/prayers/hugs...I wish I was a stronger, smarter person...all of this would prob. still be happening, but I'd have a better handle on it, from the inside-out....
Replies
I am so sorry you have to go through all of this! I am here for you always!
You are so strong. I feel bad that you are helping me all the time even you yourself is going through so much to trial.
I know it\'s hard to deal with a parents who is ill. My mother in law has terminal illness. She feels that she should not been here anymore. She thinks that she is useless. It\'s hard to listen and watch while we can\'t do anything for them.
I will pray for your family
SE
I know what your going through and how hard it is to be a caretaker. Is there a program in the area, or maybe a friend who could set with your parents while you just took an hour or 30 minutes to do something for you., Even if it was just a walk around the block? I Will remember you in and your family in my thoughts and prayers. You will be blessed for helping your parents. Hugs Deb.
Sorry that should be caregiver not caretaker.