Ups and Downs

Friday, June 13, 2008 -- Update   I have ups and downs in life, just as most people do. There are times when I only have one or two things going badly, but there are days when I feel as though my whole world is crashing down around me. That was how it felt this morning. It has not gotten much better, but I am trying to deal with it, rather than running away from it.   This morning I was EXTREMELY upset by medical and family issues. I said some things in my journal that would have been better left unsaid. I am sorry to have worried my friends here. That was not my intent.   I have been under a lot of pressure and stress recently. I kept everything bottled up inside me just as I usually do. This morning I finally blew up. My therapists told me this was going to happen if I did not find a way to release my anger. Today I saw that they were right.   My sister paid me an unexpected visit this afternoon. It was both good and bad. At one point, she said I only had agoraphobia and depression because I wanted them, and all I had to do was “snap out of it” if I really wanted to. She has little understanding about some things. This is one of them, and there is no point in wasting my time arguing with her.    I have grown weary of fighting an uphill battle in life. Sometimes, like today, I feel as though I am losing the battle. I feel drained of almost all of my stamina and energy. Giving up would be oh, so easy! The hard thing is that I cannot quite convince myself that it is the right thing to do.