Upheaval

I work today. I don' wanna.  1st grade. Sigh. Yesterday we got a call that the owner of the house we're in the process of buying, DIED. So I thought, shit, this won't work out, the house will be locked in limbo for a year through the courts or something, because the guy died without any heirs... And then the realtor called and said it would still go through, just delayed a month. GOOD GOD.  Do we not have ENOUGH riding on this!!!!  I'm sorry the guy died. I never met him. But, GOD, are you messing with us? My oldest daughter smoking. I want to rip her face off. Those beautiful white teeth. Those beautiful little arms and legs. The blonde hair, the blue eyes... she's changing all that. The hair is mud brown. The eyes are harsh. The teeth are razors. You can't hug her, she's taught, tense, pulled tight. Rubber band. Stay away. Fuck you, she says to me.  She hates me. I don't feel that great about her myself. Fuck you. You're NOT going to tell me what to do. FUCK YOU.  Thanks, darling, that's great. Thanks. who says fuck you to their mother. And then the phone rang again, and my middle daughter pretty much landed a J.O.B. for the summer! A CAKE job, even! Babysitting for two boys, grades 7 and 8, I think! Which means she can sit by a swimming pool, work on her portfolio, and  be MAKING MONEY!!! I need that job myself! HAR!!! I listened to her speak to the lady on the phone, she has such a way with people, she's sweet, she's generous, she's conscientious, she's ... she's great. Please, God, protect the sweetness of that little person, don't let life MUCK THAT UP. She's so beautiful. Last night was also my younger daughter's school play. She was on stage crew. At the end of the show, they brought stage crew out on stage also. She was beaming!  She's growing up. You can see how beautiful she's going to be, you can see the shape of her face, and her eyes, and her coloring, so tall, so straight, so beautiful..  And the way she carries herself through this world, she has an intense sense of right and fairness. I hope I got some good pictures, I'm so proud of her, the person she's becoming. Please, God, help me to nurture that in her, help me to guide her. She wants to become either a doctor, a nurse, or a vet. I'm pushing for nurse. Is that wrong? I just know how long the road is to doctor. And  how in demand nurses are, and how attainable a nursing degree is... How much they make... she'd be SET... Sigh... I hope I'm leading her in the right direction... Or maybe a med tech... something in that direction... a specialty... Tomorrow is Laughter Yoga training. I haven't signed up. I would have to leave tonight. That's not possible, is it? Maybe... Could I really do that? I'm working today... No way...