update on my coworker Chris
Hi everyone,
My coworker Chris has come back to work after losing her second brother to a heart anomaly. I wanted to give you an update. She is doing pretty well. She is able to talk, cry & express her grief. She & her mom Jean are going away for the weekend & I will call Jean next week & tell her about DS & FMO. I also have some books that others gave me that were very helpful for them if she & Chris want to read them. Chris reports that her mom is doing fairly well, but of course wonders how she could have"let this happen?"
I know I felt responsible for Eddie's passing in that I couldn't process how I as his mom didn't know he was sick. I blamed myself & reviewed everything I had said & done from the time of his conception to try to make sense of it. But then I realized I will never make sense out of a seemingly healthy 37 year old man just passing in his sleep. I guess for me, in realizing I can't make sense of it, I let go of the blame I was putting on myself. The beginning of some healing anyway.
Love and peace to all. Thank you for your support and prayers for me and this grieving family.
My coworker Chris has come back to work after losing her second brother to a heart anomaly. I wanted to give you an update. She is doing pretty well. She is able to talk, cry & express her grief. She & her mom Jean are going away for the weekend & I will call Jean next week & tell her about DS & FMO. I also have some books that others gave me that were very helpful for them if she & Chris want to read them. Chris reports that her mom is doing fairly well, but of course wonders how she could have"let this happen?"
I know I felt responsible for Eddie's passing in that I couldn't process how I as his mom didn't know he was sick. I blamed myself & reviewed everything I had said & done from the time of his conception to try to make sense of it. But then I realized I will never make sense out of a seemingly healthy 37 year old man just passing in his sleep. I guess for me, in realizing I can't make sense of it, I let go of the blame I was putting on myself. The beginning of some healing anyway.
Love and peace to all. Thank you for your support and prayers for me and this grieving family.
Replies
Letting go of the blame is most important. We cannot live for today when we are looking back on yesterday. Yesterday as is said is gone. We sometimes expect to much of mothers. We can\'t do and know everything. Blessings to you, Eddie and your friend and family.
It is so easy for us to play the self-blame game. There is no way to make sense of any of this. Why should you a healthy young man die in his sleep? Why should a young woman (Lisa) die as a result of a surgery that was supposed to improve her health and energy? It absolutely makes no sense.
I am glad to hear the healing is happening. Hang in.
Hugs,
Marlene - Lisa\'s Mum
Yes the blame game can get us....falling down heel all the way. I have an heart condition,,,that I was not aware of...One day I was just telling my doctor of experiencing a different type of tiredness and a few other symptoms but i just figured stress. He ran an echo..and found I have Heart Failure a type that you can go to sleep and not wake up...I have been on meds every since then. The doctors said they saw nothing to have caused it so I think some things we just can\'t blame. I hope you friend understands that mom\'s just don\'t know everything, but of course we all go through all kinds of thoughts through this trial we have been thrown in. It is so kind of you being there for the family, a good friend you are. Sandi
You are a true blessing to your co-worker and her family, to have someone who they know they can be totally open and honest with. Why do we moms blame ourselves when we almost always know there is no way we could have known. Since the whole tragedy that took Mitch happened 1mile from my pre-school, at 5 o\'clock pm, the busiest time of the day when the parents are picking up their children, I felt like I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! I should have known Mitch was fighting for his life, this haunted me for almost 3 years. It\'s amazing what grief will do to your rational thinking, thank God for allowing time and His Grace to work on our way fo thinking. I will continue to remember this family as their journey is only beginning. Remember to take care of yourself as you are providing strength to them. With Much Love, Charlene, Mitchells mom
Yes, we know in our heads that we weren\'t responsible for an illness or an accident taking our child. But that old irrational feeling that somehow we should have had total control creeps in sometimes. This is one feeling we do have to fight. We didn\'t make our child\'s heart weak. We didn\'t plant cancer cells. We didn\'t make the car crash. None of that was in our control. I think we need to own those feelings and then let them go. Bless you, Linda E, I know if there were any way you could have saved Eddie, you would have. With love, Linda J
Please takecare of your friend, being there and being a friend to her now means so much. Bless you for that, Nora
I wish I knew what to say about being blameless.....I have done exactly the same thing. I started with Brandon in the womb as to what would have caused his suicide.....how much I should have known....why didn\'t I realize the depth of his depression?....so much, so much.....I will never know and you will not know either. But I will tell you one thing and that is this...it is my wish to go to sleep and wake up in heaven like your Eddie did. No pain. I know it is little consolation to you but many people would prefer to pass away like that. It is still a dagger in your heart dear one.....the loss is great but the reunion will be bliss. Love and Squeeze hugs, dale...brandon\'s mom
LInda, your friends are blessed to have you by thier side. You can offer them not only comfort but understanding and that is so helpful to them right now. I know how you feel about wondering if there was anything different we could have done..but I have come to realize, there wasn\'t and it is not in our control. Hugs to you and prayers for your sweet friends. Love, Kim