Update on counseling and meeting for fund raising

Well I have not started my book yet as feel very much angry and frustrated every time I try to write something down, maybe its not the right time as yet..But that has made me very angry when I sit in my bed with pen and paper in my hand. I force myself to memories the things from past but my minds strikes in wonderland. The places my mind unconsciously thinks i have been to or the things i have gone through in my life journey. maybe i feel lonely and sad and that is why i don' t have courage to put my head into writing...I read a lot of books and I used to think its very very easy to write a book, just have an idea and write something...but now that i want to write my own life experiences i am trapped within my own feelings, pain and suffering...I kind of dont like myself in this situation that I am in..
anyway my counseling is going OK not to good i guess as i still have a long way to go..I have spoke with my counselor about some stories about my dad and explained her these are only the tiniest part of his abuse towards me and my mom and there is more to it then meet the eye..I have only told her some of my bad experience with our dad and she got worried about me that i have carried all this over this year and that is why I always have negative feelings whenever I try to do something in my life..I have also spoken to her a bit about my mom but no time we will have to talk next time..She said that I have to draw a life map so every time I see her I can say things easily and I don' t have to put too much stress on my head..I have also given 1 more exercise to do especially for my MOM, which I did with her and I will be doing more and more at home as I feel secure doing it on my own..
I have also attended a meeting with regards to getting fund raising for this organization who provide me counseling and other services. It was OK as i met some other people who sort of share the same things I carry..So we have decided to meet and see what can be done to raise some money for our organization..I almost forgot that it was an open meeting for every one to come but I almost forgot to tell any of my friends here on DS to see if anyone wants to join in..but there will always be a next time...