Update for Everyone (WARNING MAYBE TRIGGERING)
Hey Everyone, I'm back her writing again, i'm on overnight leave at the moment, so i thought i would come and give you all an update on how things have been going for me and what has been happening.The same as last time i wont go into detail one because i dont have the energy to and two because i dont want someone who is feeling really low or easily triggered to read this and for it to become a trigger. I'm still in hospital as you can probably guess but if you couldnt then you know now. I have been having a really tough time this last week, i found out so difficult news last weekend and then Liann ditched me after promising to come see me that night so i ended up Self-harming which resulted in me inserting a sewing needle into my arm. I did end up telling someone on the ward what i had done which was really difficult and i was then taken to A+E and told i would have to come back the next day to have it removed but then when returning back onto the ward i was told it wouldnt be til the tuesday so i had to wait 2 days for it to be removed and unlike the first time i did it this one really hurt me when i moved my arm and just make my whole arm ache so i ended up taking it out myself.One of the nurses suspected something and after ordering me to go to the day area they went in my room and she found a pair of sissors which i used to get the needle out ( no-one knew by this time it was out but i was going to tell someone ) Megan (another patient) ended up taking the needle off of me and giving it to the nurse and then i was called in to the group room for a discusion about it and i had to have my room search. That was horrible because i gave my named nurse the permission to search my room and then i was watching but couldnt continue watching after seeing her completely have no respect for my stuff and just chucking it around my room so i sat outside my room BUT then she forced me to watched even though i was in tears.The day after that (Monday) I was still feeling really bad and extremey suicidal and i did manage to tell someone but was then left on my own and i tried so hard not to hurt myself but in the end i resulted in trying to kill myself but Megan and sas (Patients) found me and informed a member of staff and who then removed the ____________ which was tied around my neck. I felt and still feel terrible about Megan and Sas finding me and also Claire (student Nurse) seeing me like that. But at the same time i dont feel sorry for doing it just that someone found me.Tuesday i had a meeting at home with my mum, Janet (outreach worker), Bea (consultant from outreach) and Jane (ward manager), that was a really difficult meeting because of some issues we touched which were not ment to be touched and i ended up waling out of the meeting and being how i am i started smashing my hand against a brick wall. Then they wanted me to stay that night but i totally refused knowing full well that if i stayed that night i probably wouldnt be there 2morrow one way or another which i told Janet.The next few days tha followed really didnt get any better but i couldnt say that really got any worse either. I have been thinking of everyone of you alot and i do hope your all doing okay and that things are looking up for you guys, miss you all and i'm sorry i havent been around much. I know i said at the beginning i wouldnt go into detail and i'm sorry that i have although its not even full detail but yea i understand this could be triggering as i have warned everyone in my title.*Holding you all so so TIGHT*Will write ASAP,Luvya AllBeckaxoxox
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