Update//Current Thought Process
I went to the doctor
She made me comfortable, I get along well with Ms. P. I think we are a lot alike, more than you'd think a doctor and a psychotic patient to be. She said she thought I was so interesting, how I can try to look logically at the situations (e.g hallucinations, delusions, paranoia) that I find myself in. It's not easy. There is one that must be a hallucination as there's no way three vitruvian men in literal wheels painted black, with horns, were rolling around outside my car as I sat with my friend. Maybe it was real. Probably not. Nothing really is though- real, that is. Really real really really really real. Really. I mean, where would they have come from? Poofed out of the air to confirm, although unrelated, that there is a demon attached to me, as I thought? Doubtful. Ms. P said she wants me to go back to therapy, and I feel that together REBECCA and Ms P will want to send me back to good old Tammy, my psychiatrist. Well, not mine anymore as I decided I no longer needed one 3 months ago.
Yes, I am almost certain there is some kind of demon attached to my being. Keeping me from eating, sleeping, causing me to lash out angrily. Perhaps not, but sometimes I see him. Or it. Do demons have genders? If they do, this one is undoubtedly male. White, swollen body, maybe six feet tall. Glowing eyes. He's always out by the garage at night. Occasionally in the woods but he stays by the garage because he wants me to see him.
I need to get my hair trimmed. They're going to make me start wearing it up again at work if I don't get it trimmed. I don't want to wear it up. When it's down, it's a layer of protection. I won't grow it back out. I can't maintain brushing it daily, or even twice a week, let alone twice a month. Last time I went two and a half months without brushing it and I had to cut out large chunks of matted hair, so we won't do that again. My dad won't like that, but I don't care. He never really cared for what I thought. Once he told me that my opinion didn't matter because I was a child. Turns out, our opinions still don't matter as adults either.
I haven't been eating. I told the doctor but she didn't acknowledge it. They asked if I had changes in appetite and I said I had no appetite at all. Maybe she thinks this medicine will help. She said she was concerned about my constant thoughts of death.
VRAYLAR
VRAYLAR
VRAYLAR
"What's that? Like Grindr, but for wizards?" I laughed so hard when he asked that. "Oh, what's an antipsychotic?" I didn't say so, but I think the name is pretty self explanatory.
C21H32Cl2N4O <- that's the mighty Vraylar.
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