Update after the Weekend

The weekends for me have been difficult.  You flounder to do something, and really don't know what direction to take.  You realize that you are on your own now and not part of a union anymore.  My heart is broken, and I am relying on God to give me strength to make it through each day. Saturday was rainy, and I spent the morning crying.  Probably the hardest I have cried since my husband has passed.  I realize I can't depend on my friends and family to babysit me.  I have to put one foot out in front of the other and make my own way.  I will, but all in good time.  No pressure and no expectations.  I am just lost and having to find my way with God's help. I know I love my home, and I know it is the only place I want to live.  It would absolutely kill me to get so depressed that I wouldn't be able to work, pay the bills or keep my home.  The realization is that we have to live somewhere, whether on our own or with someone.  Being I am in my 50's, it is only logical that I would live on my own.  I have always been independent, and will find that peace, resolvance and independence once more.  It is slowly coming. My church friend told me that it would not matter where we lived, or whether we departed with everything that brought us pain.  We would still feel the same way in the same body, and would carry that with us wherever we went.  She is right.  Only time, counseling, believe in God the father, and taking a day at a time will help any of us recover. I am blessed to have a good job, a lovely roof over my head that I find peace and contentment in, my family, and good friends that will listen to me, allow me to cry, and allow me to grieve my loss. I love my husband, the dear man I spent 38 years of my life with.  He will always be a part of me, in my soul and in my heart.  I don't know what the future will bring for me, but I don't need people making suggestions or forecasting my future either.Like we have all agreed.  You can't relate unless you are walking in our shoes.